Suspect
by eorocks
Summary: Elliot has a lot of questions when he finds Olivia in an unlikely place.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Here is a new story for you! I know this chapter is a little short, but I wanted to get this out and see if there is any interest. I also wanted to note that I appreciate all the comments on Missing, and I know a lot of you want more chapters or a sequel. That might be on the table, but not until I finish up with this story! Thanks again for reading._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia heard pounding but had been sound asleep and she was disoriented. She heard it again, but Josh was moving towards the door before her cop instincts kicked in and she could even wonder what kind of person would be pounding on the door at 2AM. She heard him at the door, but the sound was muffled, and she couldn't hear any distinct voices. Her first thought was that maybe it was another woman…an old girlfriend or something that had shown up after a night out drinking. But then she heard male voices and they were speaking loudly…almost yelling. A weird sense of déjà vu came over her. "Josh?" She called out without thinking, and she grabbed at the sheet, drawing it up to her chest as she sat up. She stared at the door, uncertainty flooding through her about what to do. But she didn't have any time to react before she heard more yelling.

"Police!"

Olivia startled when she heard the shout and the commotion outside the bedroom. She fell back, rattling the wooden headboard, as a man burst into the room with his gun drawn. But her shock ratcheted up exponentially when she realized the man behind the gun was her partner.

"Liv?"

Olivia's saw the confusion on his face as he lowered the gun, but then she jumped again as a uniformed office rushed in behind him. Elliot put his arm out to stop the cop from coming in any farther, ordering him to lower his gun and telling him to stand down. Her heart was racing from the frantic speed at which their quiet night had changed. Her mind was reeling as she tried to comprehend what events had led to Elliot and the NYPD bursting into Josh's apartment.

Elliot didn't even look at the other cop. He couldn't take his eyes off Olivia. His eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. He blinked a couple of times, as if his mind were playing tricks on him. But no…it was Olivia, clearly naked beneath the sheet she was clutching to her chest. She seemed equally shocked, but who wouldn't be when the cops come barging in on you in the middle of the night.

"Detective?"

Elliot heard the question in the uniform's voice, and he glanced over at him quickly. For a moment, he had forgotten he was even in the room. "We're okay in here. Everything's under control." He repeated the words he'd said moments earlier. He jerked his head towards the door. "Check in the other room. Secure the scene." He swiveled his head back to face Olivia as the officer left the room, noticing that in her haste to cover herself, a large portion of her body was bare. He could see lots of dark skin…her hips and legs…the hint of her breasts left exposed by the drape of the sheet. She must have seen him taking her in, because she tugged at the sheet to try to cover herself. But they were tangled, and she was only minimally successful.

Despite her obvious discomfort, he didn't look away. He was still trying to process the scene he'd stumbled onto and felt a strange mix of emotions…some he couldn't even comprehend in that moment.

"What the hell is going on?" Olivia demanded.

"I could ask you the same thing." Elliot shot back.

Neither got a chance to answer as Fin came into the room. "Everything ok in…" His words trailed off as slowed to a stop next to Elliot and saw Olivia in the bed. "Liv?"

Olivia saw Fin look at her and then at Elliot, as if Elliot might have the answer to the questions running through his mind.

This was a nightmare.

She couldn't imagine why the NYPD was here…what they would want with Josh…but that seemed secondary to being caught naked in his bed by Elliot and Fin. She felt her cheeks color slightly as the two of them continued to stand awkwardly at the end of the bed, but she didn't have any options. There was no graceful way to untangle the sheets without revealing more of her naked body, so she was stuck where she was.

Fin turned his back to her, and he leaned over and whispered to Elliot. "What the hell?" He glanced back towards the bed and then moved slightly closer to Elliot. "How do you want to handle this?"

Elliot looked over at him, still confused by the situation he'd found them in. He wasn't quire sure what Fin was asking him, so he turned his attention back to Olivia. She looked incredibly uncomfortable and he couldn't help but let his eyes wander slightly. Looking at her again, he noticed small things, like the swell of her lips and her tousled hair…and the red marks on her neck.

"Elliot!"

Olivia said his name sharply, and he moved his eyes back to hers.

"Are we gonna take her in?" Fin said in a low voice. "Or maybe… she was never here?"

Elliot looked back over at him, hearing his suggestion. There was a part of him that wanted to make that happen. Mostly because he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Olivia was here…in the bed of a _suspect._

But there were two other uniformed officers here…one that had seen her. There was no way to sneak her out of the apartment now. There was protocol…this was his job. In any other similar situation, if they'd found any other woman in his bed, they'd bring her in.

Question her. Find out what she knew.

The litany of questions he would ask plagued him because it was really hitting him now. This man…Josh Graham…was a _suspect_. They had a complaint from a woman that had accused him of assault…rape.

Olivia knew Elliot well enough to know that he was conflicted…his face and neck reddening as he was obviously trying to sort through what was going on. But she was getting pissed off that he wasn't answering her questions and at the whispered discussion he and Fin were having. She was about to demand answers again when she saw the uniformed officer come in, asking about clothes for the suspect.

 _Suspect?_

"Fin. Elliot. I need someone to tell me…"

Elliot cut her off. "Not here." He looked around the room, until his eyes landed on a black dress crumpled on the floor. Not far from it was a pair of black lace underwear and a matching bra. The sight of it sent another spiral of confusion through his body, and he felt a small spark of anger at the situation he'd found himself. "Get dressed."

He turned back towards the uni. "Give us a few minutes. Then you can get him some clothes. Get CSU in here…" He looked around the room until he saw a similar pile of men's clothes. "Make sure you bag those."

Olivia saw the uni nod and leave the room.

Fin glanced over at him. "You sure you know what you're doing?" He shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he glanced back at Olivia.

Elliot sighed heavily. "We don't have a choice." He saw Fin nod and then he followed the uniform out of the room. Elliot closed the door behind him. Then he walked over to Olivia's pile of clothing and scooped them up, piece by piece. He tossed them on the bed. "Get dressed." He said again.

Olivia could hear the controlled tone of his voice as a adopted his cop persona. She couldn't believe he was going to pull that with her. "I'm not doing anything until I get some answers. Where are you taking Josh? Why are you even _here_?"

"Get dressed or I'll take you in as is." Elliot threatened. He just needed to get her out of here. He didn't know how she was tangled up with this suspect, but he was going to find out.

Olivia was frustrated by Elliot's lack of response and his demands, but she knew him well enough to know that he wasn't going to budge. "Can you give me some privacy?" She asked, nodding her head towards the door.

"I'm not leaving the room." A part of it was spite as his confusion and frustration started to morph into an emotion he was used to dealing with. Anger. But it was also protocol, and in any other situation, he wouldn't give anyone that latitude.

Olivia was shocked as he made no move to give her any space. "I'm not joking." She said, but he didn't move. She let out a sound of frustration, but he still stood his ground. "At least turn around."

"You're not in any position to make any demands." Elliot said. "You lost that right when I found you in bed with a suspect."

Now it was Olivia's turn to be angry. "A suspect? Are you crazy? You've got the wrong guy."

Elliot harrumphed and shook his head. "How many times have we heard that before?" he took a step towards her. "I don't know what's going on here." He said. "And I wish we weren't in this situation but…" He dropped his head. "Fuck!" Maybe he should have listened to Fin and found a way to sneak her out of the apartment. He could have gotten them both out of an unbearably awkward situation. He could have gotten the answers to the questions that were screaming through his head right now. But it was too late now, and he knew that his sense of responsibility to the job, and to the victim, wouldn't have left him do it. He collected himself and lifted his head to look at her, reining in his emotions and his personal feelings. "Just remember…I didn't ask for this."

Olivia narrowed her eyes, hearing the accusation in his voice. "Whatever you think he's done…"

Elliot cut her off again. "This apartment is about to get a lot more crowded." He said, his tone neutral. "Get dressed." He motioned towards her dress and underwear on the bed. "I'm not gonna tell you again."

Olivia narrowed her eyes, glaring at him as she slid her legs off the bed, dragging the sheet with her. "Fine." She said angrily, swiping the dress off the bed. She dropped the sheet defiantly, feeling a sense of triumph as Elliot looked away.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia didn't know what the hell was happening, but reality was starting to sink in. SVU wouldn't be here if Josh wasn't suspected of some kind of sexual assault, but she couldn't wrap her head around it. She prided herself on her ability to judge people's character. She had enough experience on the job to be able to suss out a suspect, and Josh hadn't set off any warning bells.

Of course, she didn't really know him that well.

She started to replay the first time she'd met him and the times they'd been together, trying to think if there was something she had missed. But nothing stood out. He was a little adventurous in bed, but it hadn't been anything alarming…he'd never done anything she hadn't consented to and he'd never hurt her.

She looked around the room, but Josh wasn't anywhere in sight. They must have taken him down to the precinct already.

They would be questioning him.

In the same way she and Elliot had questioned hundreds of suspects.

They would be questioning her too…

Olivia swallowed hard as she looked at Elliot and Fin talking on the other side of the room. They'd left her just outside the bedroom door with a uniformed officer, and he was doing everything in his power not to look at her or engage with her in any way. She wished she could catch his eye because she needed answers.

Olivia had barely had time to pull her dress on before there had been pounding on the door, and seconds later, Fin had been in the room, apologizing to her silently as he had hustled Josh into the room and told him to get dressed. Josh had tried to say something to her, but Elliot had put himself between her and Josh and Fin had told him to shut up. Elliot had turned back towards her, wrapped his hand around her bicep and hustled her out of the room.

It had been another cold dose of reality as she had seen the scene playing out in the living room. Two uniformed cops were searching through Josh's things…digging through drawers and looking through the books on the shelves…and she couldn't even find her voice to argue or ask questions as Elliot pushed her firmly onto the couch.

Elliot walked away from her then and she watched him as he talked to one of the unis. She was confused and felt slightly betrayed by Elliot's treatment of her. She would like to think it was because of his confusion at the situation he found himself in, but knowing him like she did, she knew he was bound by his sense of duty. She wasn't sure, if the tables were turned, that she would have broken protocol either.

Olivia heard a commotion and saw Fin walking out of the bedroom with Josh. Josh looked confused and somewhat scared, and she pushed herself off the couch and rushed over to them, forcing Fin to stop pushing him towards the door of the apartment. "What's going on?" She asked, not really caring if it was Josh or Fin that answered.

"I don't know." Josh said, reaching towards her. But Fin batted his hands down.

"Don't touch her." He commanded before putting an arm out towards her, effectively keeping Josh away from her. "Liv. Get outta the way." He didn't touch her or push her in any way, but the message was clear.

Olivia noticed he completely ignored her question. "But…"

"Liv."

The way Fin said her name let her know he wasn't going to answer her, but he wasn't going to argue with her. The look in his eyes let her know that he wished he could.

Protocol.

The next thing she knew, Fin was handing Josh off to two uniforms that were at the door. Josh glanced back at her and the wild look in his eyes told her that he had no idea what the hell was going on. It gave her some measure of comfort; they obviously had the wrong guy.

Fin started back across the room and Olivia called out to him, but he held up a hand as if telling her to stop as he met up with Elliot on the other side of the room. She watched as the two of them started talking, heads bowed together, and she wondered if she was the subject of the conversation.

Olivia was tired of being treated like a suspect herself…of having her questions ignored. She was part of this squad. She had worked with these guys for years. She deserved better. Goddamnit…she was going to get some answers.

"Ma'am."

Olivia jumped at the voice, and saw another uniformed office standing slightly behind her. He must have noticed her intention because he held out his arm, prepared to grasp hers.

"You need to stay here."

Olivia narrowed her eyes, almost daring him to touch her. He made no move…he simply dropped his hand. "It's Detective." She said coldly.

He simply nodded, and she wasn't quite sure if he believed her…or if he really cared. Either way, it was clear that he was in charge of her, and that she wasn't going anywhere. Olivia tried to loosen the knot of anger that had coiled in her chest, telling herself that he was just doing his job. But she didn't know where to direct it. _Josh? Elliot?_ She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, knowing she just had to let this play out.

Elliot looked over at Olivia, but she had adopted a perfect poker face. He had seen a bit of fight in her in the bedroom. He had been surprised by the shift to sudden acquiescence and the towel drop, but he knew it had been defiance at having her power stripped from her. He felt badly about his role in that, and he felt a sudden surge of protectiveness over her.

"Did you know Liv was seeing this guy?" Fin asked.

Elliot shook his head. "She never told me she was seeing anyone." It didn't surprise him that she hadn't. Olivia didn't give him any details of her personal life anymore.

And he never asked.

"Can't see her going out with some scumbag rapist." Fin said.

"People lead double lives." Elliot said. Olivia was an exceptionally good judge of character, and he was as surprised as Fin. He'd like to believe she didn't know anything about this side of Josh Graham.

"Maybe we got the wrong guy."

"Vic identified him by name."

Fin nodded, but Elliot understood. He was just concerned about Olivia and was trying to make sense of it like he was. Neither one of them wanted her wrapped up in this.

And what if this man was violent? Had he hurt Olivia in any way? He couldn't imagine her putting up with that…but…

People lead double lives.

The recklessness in her sometimes…it scared him. At times, it seemed she had no regard for her own safety…her own life. He didn't know how that translated into her personal life.

Some partner he was. Some friend.

Fin interrupted his thoughts.

"IAB's gonna want to talk to her." Fin said. "They aren't going to let you or me question her." He shook his head and they were both silent as they let that sink in. "Maybe we should have shuffled her out of here when we had the chance."

Elliot let out a sigh, thinking the exact same thing. "There was no way." He nodded towards the uniformed officers guarding Olivia.

"Yeah."

"We need to talk to Cragen." Elliot said. "Maybe he can do something…" His voice trailed off as he glanced back over at Olivia. She was shifting uncomfortably in place with her arms crossed protectively across her body. He saw something clutched in her hand, and he realized it was her panties and her bra. He knew how vulnerable she must be feeling right now…how many questions she must have. "I need to talk to her."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Fin said. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he glanced over at Olivia. "If IAB gets involved…they're gonna ask about that."

Elliot knew what Fin was saying. They weren't alone with her. There were witnesses. They needed to go by the book on this one. He wished he would have taken the opportunity to talk to her when they'd been alone in the bedroom. There hadn't been much time…but he'd let his shock and surprise morph into anger and he had shut her down. He looked back at Fin. "She's my _partner_."

Fin nodded. He understood the weight of that word…what it meant. Especially between Elliot and Olivia. "Be careful." Elliot understood the words of caution, but he also understood that Fin wasn't going to stop him.

Olivia saw Elliot headed in her direction, and she hoped that his attitude had changed since their exchange in the bedroom. She needed him on her side right now.

"Olivia."

She turned as she heard Cragen's voice and saw him walking through the apartment door. She glanced back at Elliot, and the look on his face confirmed what she already knew. He couldn't help her now. It didn't stop him from closing the gap between them, but Cragen stepped between her body and Elliot's.

"You need to head back to the precinct." Cragen said as he held up a hand.

"Cap'n." Elliot cursed the time he had wasted talking to Fin and avoiding Olivia.

"Save it." Cragen said.

Olivia reached out and grasped Cragen's arm. "Captain. Please just let me talk to him."

Cragen turned to face her. "Olivia." He said, shaking his head. "I don't know how you're mixed up with this suspect, but you know I can't let you talk to Elliot. At this point, I don't even know if I should be talking to you. I had to notify IAB, and I'm fighting to keep this case in SVU."

"What case?" Olivia asked. "Josh…" She glanced up and noticed Elliot hadn't moved away, but she moved her eyes back to Cragen's. "He's not…" She pressed her lips together. "What do you think he's done?"

Elliot noted how her voice got quiet as she asked her last question.

Cragen sighed. "We have a victim that has identified him as the person that raped and beat her."

Elliot saw Olivia's legs give out slightly, but to her credit, she recovered quickly as she shook her head. "No. That can't be right." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and Elliot saw the pleading look in her eyes. "He's not a rapist."

Elliot didn't know if she was saying that to Cragen or to herself. He could hear the disbelief in her voice, but he could tell she was thinking about everything she knew…or thought she knew…about the man she'd been sleeping with. He'd seen it in every wife and girlfriend of every rapist they'd prosecuted.

People lead double lives.

"Olivia." Cragen's voice was even. "We have a sworn statement. The victim…she's believable."

Olivia swallowed hard. She knew he was preparing her for what lay ahead. This wasn't a mistake. This wasn't going away. Her eyes flashed up to Elliot's, and she saw a strange look in them. She knew then that he wasn't sure what to believe.

She'd never felt more alone.

"Olivia."

She turned her attention back to Cragen. "They're going to take you down to the station now." He took a step closer to her. "Remember. You're not a suspect. You're not being arrested. They just want to know what you know about Mr. Graham."

Olivia wasn't sure she believed him because it certainly felt like she was under suspicion.

"And if I decide not to talk?" She asked.

"Olivia." Cragen said sternly. "I don't know what your relationship is with Mr. Graham, but I can't believe you know anything about this."

Olivia could hear the pleading in his voice. He was asking for her confirmation that she didn't. He needed to believe it. He needed to confirm what he thought he knew about her. She glanced up and could see Elliot nodding along with him.

"Captain. There is no way Josh did what he's accused of." She shook her head. "No way." She glanced at Elliot once more before she turned away from them and walked out with the uniformed officer leading the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Elliot sat at his desk, nervously bouncing his leg as he watched the door. Fin and Munch were in one of the interrogation rooms questioning Josh Graham, and Olivia was sitting by herself in the other. By his count, she had been in there by herself for over an hour, and while he didn't want IAB to question her, he also didn't want her sitting in there by herself for hours.

The interrogation rooms had been his first destination as he'd all but run into the squad room. But he'd found Cragen standing outside watching Graham's interview, and he had shaken his head at Elliot the minute he'd seen him. Elliot had looked in to see Olivia sitting in the smaller of the two rooms, and he was happy to see that someone had given her an NYPD zip-up sweatshirt. He knew it was a small thing, but he hoped it made her feel less vulnerable, since he knew she was wearing only her dress and not much else. Maybe someone had let her stop in the bathroom…

Elliot watched as she sat in the room, and he wondered what was going through her mind right now. It was a bit surreal…the hundreds of times they had questioned suspects in this very room, and now she was on the other side of it.

Not that she was a suspect.

He had asked Cragen if he could just have a minute, but the Captain had been adamant in denying him. _He needed to get some guidance from IAB; he wasn't willing to risk the case against Graham_. Elliot had opened his mouth to object, trying to play on Cragen's emotions, but he hadn't budged.

Elliot had turned back to look in at Olivia again. She hadn't moved, posed stoically in her chair. She had her hands folded on the table in front of her and she was staring straight ahead. There was a part of him that wished she would have turned towards him, even though she wouldn't be able to see him there. He had wanted to see her face.

He wondered if she knew he would be there, watching her. If the tables were turned, he knew she'd be rooted to the same spot.

He had turned towards Cragen and asked him how the interview was going with Graham. But Cragen had, in no uncertain terms, told him to go back to his desk and to let him know when IAB showed up.

So here he was, waiting.

Hating that Olivia was in this position.

Wondering how long she'd been seeing Graham.

Trying to pinpoint the moment when they had stopped talking to each other.

He looked up as he heard footsteps, and there was Tucker. _Goddamnit! Why did it always have to be Tucker?_ Wasn't there anyone else in IAB?

"Stabler." Tucker stopped at his desk.

"Yeah." Elliot leaned back in his chair and looked up at the man. He could tell Tucker wasn't happy that he hadn't stood up, and that gave Elliot a sense of pleasure. The man was a prick in his book and he had no respect for him. Or for anyone that tried to trip up a fellow officer.

"I understand you were the first one at the suspect's apartment."

"I was. With Detective Tutuola."

"Where's Tutuola now?" Tucker said, glancing around the squad room.

"He's questioning the suspect along with Detective Munch."

"I'm going to need to talk to the two of you after I talk to your partner, so don't go anywhere." Tucker advised sternly.

Elliot hated his authoritarian tone. It was so condescending, as if they were all dirty cops and he was just waiting to catch them. "I'm not planning on going anywhere." Elliot said, and now he did stand up. "And as far as Detective Benson goes, if this guy is guilty of doing what he's accused of, you know she didn't know anything about it. There's no way…"

Tucker held up his hand, effectively cutting him off. "Save it. I wouldn't expect you to say anything else."

Elliot's anger spiked at his dismissive tone and that same condescending attitude. He bit back a cutting remark, not wanting to do anything that was going to make it worse for Olivia. But there would come a day…and Tucker would deserve everything he got.

Tucker's attention turned to Cragen as he came walking out of the interrogation area. There was an unspoken communication between them and they both walked into Cragen's office and closed the door.

Elliot looked over towards the interrogation rooms, trying to judge how much time he'd have before they emerged. He knew if they caught him talking to Olivia, there would be trouble. But he just needed to see if she was okay. His hesitation cost him though. Tucker and Cragen hadn't talked for more than a minute, and they emerged just as he was about to leave his desk.

Cragen must have seen his intention because he narrowed his eyes at Stabler. "You. Stay here." He instructed, pointing at Elliot's desk. The two of them disappeared through the doorway, and Elliot sat down hard in his chair.

A full minute had passed when Elliot stood up. "Fuck it." He said, heading in the same direction. Tucker had to be in the room with Olivia by now, and he hoped Cragen's instructions were just for show. Still, he slowed as he walked, peering around the corner before committing. The area was clear, and he wondered if Cragen was in with Olivia or with Fin and Munch.

He got his answer in the next few seconds as he walked up to the window of the room that Olivia was trapped in. Cragen was not in the room, and as Elliot watched, Tucker pulled out a chair and sat down across the table from Olivia. He noticed that she hadn't moved, and her expression was blank. He could see that Tucker was talking, and he reached over and turned up the volume on the speaker. He kept the sound low, so he wouldn't garner attention; it was barely loud enough from him to hear.

Olivia watched as Tucker walked into the room. She tried not to react in any way. Tucker had been on their case about one thing or another since she had started in SVU, and she knew that despite the fact that she had nothing to hide, she would have to be careful in answering his questions.

Tucker just stared at her, and she knew it was an intimidation tactic of his. She just stared back, careful to keep her expression neutral. She considered going on the offensive, but that never seemed to work with him. So, she was going to answer his questions and she was going to be careful not to provide any more information than absolutely necessary.

Tucker leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. "So…Josh Graham."

Olivia waited him out, resisting the urge to ask him questions. She knew they suspected Josh of rape and assault, and that Tucker wasn't going to give her any more information on that, so she wasn't going to waste any energy on trying to get him to answer any of her questions.

"How long have you known him?"

Olivia had been trying to piece together her history with Josh since she'd been sitting in the room, anticipating these questions and trying to figure out how best to answer. "About a year."

"And how did you meet him?"

Olivia glanced over at the mirror/window, wondering if Elliot was standing on the other side. She was almost certain that Tucker would have forbidden it…Cragen too. But it was Elliot, and if he'd been the one sitting in the box, she would have figured out a way. In this moment though, she was almost certain she didn't want him to be there. "I met him in a bar."

"Tell me more about that." Tucker said.

"I don't know what more I can say about it. It's pretty straightforward."

"You met him in a bar and then what?"

Olivia shrugged slightly. She wasn't sure what he was asking, so she didn't respond.

"Did you go home with him that night?"

Olivia shifted slightly on her chair. "I don't know how that's any of your business."

"I'm going to take that as a yes."

Olivia remained silent.

"So… you, a seasoned SVU detective, went home with a man you didn't know." Tucker paused for a moment. "You don't think that's risky behavior? Knowing what you know?"

"I can take care of myself."

"He didn't force you to leave with him? Get you drunk?"

"Of course not." Olivia said indignantly.

"Did anything happen that night that you didn't want to happen?"

Olivia leaned in, tired of these questions and the implication. "I'm a grown woman, a cop, and a good judge of character. I met Josh, we hit it off, and I left with him. He didn't force me to do anything. We had a good time. It was completely consensual, and then I left. He's not a violent person and I don't believe for a second that he'd do what he's accused of doing."

Tucker dropped his arms and leaned forward himself. "I would expect you to defend him."

Olivia sat back, upset with herself for spouting so much information.

"So, you're going to tell me that in all the time you've known him, he's never done anything to raise suspicion?"

"No." Olivia said firmly.

"People lead lives we know nothing about." Tucker said.

Olivia pressed her lips together because she knew it was true. She ran into many perps whose wives and girlfriends knew nothing about the lives of the people they loved. She had always thought they hadn't known because they hadn't wanted to know, and she wondered if she really knew Josh. "I don't believe he's a violent person. I've never seen that in him."

"You're busy with your job. You can't be together 24/7." Tucker said. When she didn't respond, he continued. "Alright." He said, as if he'd conceded something. "Tell me about yesterday. Where did you go? What did you do?"

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but then something struck her, and she closed it again. She had no idea about when this supposed assault had taken place.

"And before you think about lying, we're going to dump you phone. Check your messages."

"I had the day off." Olivia said. "I slept in. I went to the gym. I ran some errands."

"And in the evening?" Tucker asked impatiently.

"I met someone for dinner."

"Mr. Graham?"

Olivia looked down at the table, running her fingers along the edge. She had no choice but to answer him honestly. "No. I…I had dinner with someone else." She looked up at Tucker. She could see the look of surprise on his face. She answered the inevitable question before he asked. "His name was Alex. Alex Thomas."

"OK." He stood up and walked around his chair, bracing his hands on the back of the wood. "Who is Mr. Thomas?"

"He's no one. Just a friend of a friend."

"This was a date?"

"Yes. Someone set us up."

"Didn't Detective Stabler and Detective Tutuola find you at Mr. Graham's apartment?"

Olivia could tell that Tucker was trying to put the timeline together. She glanced over at the window once again before she turned back to Tucker. "My date with Alex ended around 11. We parted ways…" She shifted in her chair again. "I called Josh, and I went over to his apartment around midnight."

"So, your visit to his apartment…that was just some kind of booty call?"

Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded.

"And he doesn't care that you were out with someone else?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Meaning what?" Tucker asked.

"Meaning he's not my boyfriend." Olivia spat back at him. "We aren't dating."

"You're not dating." He restated, putting the pieces together. "Ok then…before last night, when's the last time you saw Mr. Graham?" Tucker asked, unruffled by the tone of her voice.

"I don't remember." Olivia said. She knew there would be a text message or phone call in her phone log that would provide the information he wanted.

"Try." Tucker insisted.

"I don't know. Maybe three months ago."

Tucker braced his arms on the table. "Are all the calls between you and Mr. Graham going to be late night calls?" He didn't wait for her to answer, already knowing how she would respond. "So, in reality, you probably don't know him as well as you think you do." He stood up and considered her for a moment. "Or maybe you do." He leaned in again, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Maybe you like things a little rough. When you're feeling the need, you call him up. He slaps you around a little…you resist…he 'forces' you." He made air quotes when he said the word _forces_ and the way he was looking at her made Olivia's skin crawl.

"You're sick." Olivia pushed her chair back and stood up. "I'm done talking to you." She started for the door, but Tucker moved to the side, effectively blocking her.

"Ok so maybe I'm wrong." Tucker said. "But I have to wonder…If he's no one to you but a late-night phone call on a lonely night, then why are you defending him?"

Olivia set her jaw. She hated that Tucker was making her feel humiliated…ashamed by her own sexuality. She wanted to slap him and tell him he could go fuck himself, but she knew she had to control her anger. He was an asshole, but she needed to recognize him for what he was and let it go. She was done. She twisted her body to step around him and was almost to the door when Tucker spoke again.

"Maybe you're defending him because you can't believe that you've been sleeping with a rapist."

Olivia turned, one hand on the door knob. She saw Tucker had turned to look at her, a smug look on his face. "Go to hell." She said, as she stormed out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Here is an update. Apologies to all that have been waiting for an update. It's been a busy week. Happy Birthday to JessicaR_NY!

EOEOEOEOE

As Olivia stormed out of the interrogation room, she saw Elliot's back as he turned the corner to escape into the squad room. He had obviously heard the entire conversation with Tucker, and she could only imagine what was going through his mind right now. She wasn't in the mood for his judgement right now and as she lingered slightly in the hallway, she wondered if she was free to leave.

The fact that she even had to ask herself that question was a little surreal.

She assumed the answer was probably no, even though the only thing she was guilty of was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Josh…

She didn't know what to think about the accusations against him.

 _Maybe you're defending him because you can't believe that you've been sleeping with a rapist._

The sound of the door opening behind her spurred her movement. If she saw Tucker again right now, she wasn't certain she could keep herself from hauling off and punching him in the face.

He deserved it.

Elliot looked up and saw Olivia walking briskly into the squad room. She was studiously avoiding eye contact with him, or with anyone else in the room. He could tell she was pissed off by the rigid set of her body, the way she marched across the room, and the color in her cheeks.

"Liv."

"I don't want to hear it." Olivia said.

She didn't look at him…she didn't even slow down. He pushed himself out of her chair as she crossed the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked, but either she didn't hear his question, or she was ignoring him as she disappeared through the doorway on the opposite side of the squad room. "Liv!"

Eliot started after her, but he didn't get far before he heard Tucker say his name. He turned and saw the IAB agent standing just inside the room, a look of contempt on his face. Elliot didn't have time for this. He needed to talk to Olivia. "Not now." He said dismissively as he turned to follow Olivia.

"Now." Tucker said.

Elliot stopped. The tone of Tucker's voice let him know that it wasn't up for discussion. He looked in the direction Olivia had disappeared, and then back at Tucker, letting out a sigh of frustration. He'd get this over with, and then he would find her.

What he'd say…he had no idea.

"Stabler."

Tucker's impatience was clear, and Elliot muttered under his breath as he started moving in that direction. Tucker had to know that the extent of his cooperation was limited, but Elliot knew it wouldn't keep him from asking a lot of questions.

Tucker held the door open as Elliot passed through, and he walked across the room, turning as the door closed. He saw Tucker was still standing near the door, and he had his arms crossed over his chest and Elliot assumed a similar pose. Anyone watching this scene would have no illusions about how he felt about Tucker and vice versa.

Tucker was the first to break the silence. "Tell me about the Josh Graham case."

"I'm pretty sure you know as much about it as I do." He knew Tucker would have read the notes in the file they had compiled before talking to anyone.

"Tell me anyway."

Elliot ground his teeth together to keep himself from spouting another snide comment. _Stick to the facts._ "We had a young woman, Jamie Jensen, come into the precinct the other day, reporting that she'd been raped. We took her statement. She knew the name of the person she claimed had raped her."

"Josh Graham."

"That's what she said." Elliot confirmed.

"Any DNA evidence?"

Elliot shook his head. "She had waited a few days to report. She had showered. We took her to the hospital for an examination but…" Elliot shrugged his shoulders. There hadn't been anything to conclusively confirm rape. "She had some bruising on the inside of her thighs." Any good lawyer could get that thrown out as a result of consensual sex. "We checked into her background. Talked to her friends that had been with her that night." It was definitely a he said, she said kind of case, so crossing their t's and dotting their I's was critical in building a case.

"So, she's credible."

Elliot nodded, even though Tucker's comment was a statement and not a question. "We looked into him as well. No criminal background…no complaints."

"That just means he hadn't been caught yet."

Elliot shrugged. He'd been down this path enough times to know there was always more to the story. On both sides. "We decided we had enough to question the suspect, and we got a search warrant for his apartment." He saw Tucker raise an eyebrow. "She claimed he took a necklace she'd been wearing."

"A trophy."

Elliot nodded.

"Then what happened?"

"We got the warrant, and we went to his apartment." He tensed slightly, knowing Tucker would make him tell this part of the story, even though he already knew the details. "Josh Graham opened the door, we told him why we were there, and served him with the search warrant."

"Who was there?"

"Me, Detective Tutuola, and two uniformed officers." Elliot reported. He wasn't certain if Tucker was asking him about Olivia, but if he was, he was going to make him work for it.

"Tell me what happened next."

Elliot was getting annoyed. "What do you think happened? We searched the apartment. We didn't find anything to tie him to the victim."

"But you did find your partner…in the apartment."

"Yes." Elliot clenched his jaw.

"What is her relationship to the suspect?"

"I don't know." Elliot said.

"You don't know." Tucker repeated.

Elliot just stared at him, and he could feel the tension ratchet up in the room. "That's what I said."

"Detective Benson claimed he was just a casual acquaintance."

Elliot remained silent, thinking about what he'd heard when Tucker had questioned Olivia. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Olivia just called this guy up to have sex every once in a while. There had to be more to the story. "If that's what she said, then it must be true."

"I find it hard to believe that she's sleeping with the guy, and didn't have any clue…"

Elliot cut him off. "Do you honestly think Olivia would go out with Josh Graham if she knew he was a rapist?" He balled his hands into fists as Tucker shrugged.

"Maybe you don't know your partner as well as you think you do."

"We've been partners for 9 years. I think I know her pretty damn well."

"You didn't know she was seeing Graham."

"Knowing who she's dating on a day to day basis is different than knowing she wouldn't date a man if she thought he was even minimally abusive. She fights that every day."

Tucker shrugged his shoulders.

"Why are we even talking about this?" Elliot asked. "Olivia's not a suspect or a witness, and there's no way she knew anything about this."

"It's my job to make sure that NYPD's finest detectives aren't protecting a rapist." There was a sneer in his voice as he said the word finest. "Sometimes we see people cross over. Narcotics officers start using, Vice officers abusing their power for sexual favors…" He raised an eyebrow. "And now your partner is screwing a rapist…"

Elliot was done. "I don't know why you have a vendetta against Olivia and me, but you're out of your mind."

"I'm doing my job."

Elliot was barely containing his rage, knowing that if he went after the IAB detective, he could kiss his career goodbye. He and Olivia had survived his and IAB's scrutiny before and they would again. He just hated that with Tucker, it seemed personal. He took a deep breath. "I don't know if Josh Graham is a rapist or not." He said, as calmly as he could. "What I do know is that Olivia doesn't deserve your suspicions and that there is no way she knew anything about this." Elliot strode around the table and came to stand right in front of Tucker. "I also know that this continued vindictiveness against me and my partner is starting to feel really personal…" He narrowed his eyes and leaned in slightly. "And I have to wonder what's at the root of it…"

To his credit, Tucker didn't flinch…didn't move a muscle…despite the fact that Elliot was in his face, and he was on the verge of launching some kind of accusation himself. Elliot just held his stare for another half a minute before he straightened up. "I'm done talking to you."

Elliot moved towards the doorway, almost wishing Tucker would tell him to stop so he would really have an excuse to unleash the anger that was pent up inside of him.

"Stay away from your partner." Tucker said as Elliot reached for the door.

Elliot didn't turn around as he turned the knob. "Go to hell."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had made a quick scan of the squad room before heading for the cribs, but he wasn't surprised when he didn't see Olivia. He knew she'd be holed up somewhere, and the locker room area was the most private. The room was dark when he entered, but the ambient light from the hallway provided enough illumination to see her body curled up on one of the bunks. She had her back to him so that she was facing the wall, and her bare legs were curled up slightly with the skirt of her dress laying loosely around her thighs. He was surprised she hadn't climbed beneath the covers, but he assumed the resting spot had been temporary. Elliot had no idea what time it was, but if he thought it through, he assumed it was probably around 5AM.

He stepped inside the room, unable to take his eyes off her. His anger was replaced with concern. He thought about her night…about what he'd heard in her discussion with Tucker. He hated that they didn't talk anymore. He hated that he had no idea what she did when she left the precinct. He hated that she had ended up in the apartment of a man she barely knew and that she had to lose herself to a stranger, when he…he…

"Close the door Elliot."

Elliot released his hold on the door and it closed abruptly behind him. "I didn't mean to wake you." He said.

"I wasn't sleeping." She had known it was him the moment she heard the squeak of the door. She had been expecting him to search her out, despite the fact that she had clearly told him that she didn't want to talk about it. She'd been laying here ever since, trying to sort out her emotions. It was a weird mix of embarrassment at the circumstances of being found in such a compromising position, indignation at how he had treated her, anger at Tucker and his line of questioning, underlined by the uncertainty of not knowing what was going through Elliot's mind right now.

Elliot could her a slight tremble in her voice, and it caught him off guard. He thought of her sitting in the interrogation room in her dress and that stupid NYPD sweatshirt, and he had felt her vulnerability in that moment. He had seen a spark in her when she'd told Tucker off, but that had obviously been fleeting. He walked over towards her and lowered himself on the bunk directly across from her. She didn't turn to face him, and didn't say another word, and he wondered if she'd talk to him at all. But in that moment, he knew it was important to try. They'd spend the last six months pushing each other away and avoiding any kind of conversation. It had to stop now because if it didn't, he didn't know what the future held for them. As partners…as friends…as…

Olivia lay as still as possible, scared to death that Elliot would want to talk and equally as scared that he'd walk away. She parted her lips, wanting to say something, but she didn't even know where to begin. Maybe that was part of the problem. There was so much to say that neither one of them knew where to even begin.

It was Elliot that broke the silence.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. He knew that was a crazy question, because wit everything that had happened, how could be okay? He knew he'd have to break it down. Be specific as he worked through the things he was concerned about when it came to her well-being. "I mean…you're not hurt…physically?"

Olivia was surprised by the question, because Elliot had seen her…damn near all of her…in the apartment. But she also realized she didn't know exactly what Josh was being accused of doing. "I'm not hurt."

"OK."

Olivia could hear him breathing, and she knew he was probably trying to figure out where to take the conversation from here. The path was lined with potential mines, and she almost felt sorry for him. Maybe he would give up, happy to know that she wasn't hurt.

"Tucker's an asshole."

Olivia let out a small sound of surprise. It wasn't what she'd been expecting. She didn't respond; she didn't really think he expected her to.

Elliot stood up and picked up a blanket that was folded at the end of the top bunk above the bed Olivia was lying on. He opened it up and draped it over her, giving her an extra measure of protection against the cold air in the room, and the conversation. He saw her grip the edge in her hand and draw it more tightly against her, but she didn't say anything else. He could feel tension coming off her in waves, and he knew she was dreading his questions. He was a little surprised that she wasn't firing off her own questions to ward off his or telling him to leave her the hell alone.

He resumed his place on the bunk across from her, sifting through any number of ways to start the conversation. He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. "Liv. I'm…" Elliot pressed one balled fist into the palm of his other hand. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Olivia sucked in a breath, surprised once again. An apology from him was the last thing she had expected. It wasn't something he was in the habit of doing. Even though they both probably owed each other numerous apologizes…

"You don't have to apologize for Tucker being an asshole." Olivia said.

Elliot was disappointed in her response, but he knew he shouldn't be. They were both good at deflecting things before it turned into a serious conversation. But not this time…

"Don't do that." He said. "I'm serious."

Olivia stayed quiet.

Elliot's eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness in the room, and he could see her a little more clearly now. "I wish…" He dropped his hands into his lap. "God Liv, how did we end up here?"

"End up where?" Her words were barely more than a whisper. She knew exactly what he was asking, but she found herself unable to meet him even halfway. It was such a habit now. Pushing him away…shutting him out.

Elliot recognized her tactics. She wasn't making this easy, and despite his resolve to get her to talk to him, he felt his frustration mounting. It had been a rough day, followed by a rough night, and the last thing he wanted was for this to escalate into another fight between them. He tried to keep his tone even, but he knew he couldn't hide from her. "Do you think that you could cut the bullshit for two seconds and talk to me?"

Olivia considered his words for a second and she closed her eyes in the dark. "I don't know what to say to you anymore…"

Elliot heard the fatigue in her voice…the despair. He thought that maybe she was telling him the truth because honestly, he didn't know what to say to her either. Somewhere in the past year or so, they had lost their way. Maybe it was because the things they wanted to say were buried in layers of lies…pushed down deep…and neither one of them knew how to get to the heart of what they were feeling any more.

He needed to find out what happened. He wanted to protect her. But maybe now wasn't the time to push her. She had been through a lot tonight. She was exhausted.

Maybe he couldn't protect her from the fallout anyway.

Maybe she didn't want his protection anymore.

Still…he couldn't give up on her.

He wouldn't.

Elliot gripped the edge of the mattress, staring at the back of her head. "I just thought that maybe we could try…"

Olivia lay silently, and he muttered a curse under his breath. He sighed heavily and pushed himself up from the bunk, dropping his eyes as he turned and walked towards the door. He was almost there when he heard her voice…soft…tentative.

"El?"

Olivia didn't know what she wanted to say but she knew that she didn't want him to leave. Despite her embarrassment and the awkwardness of the entire situation, she couldn't help but feel that if he walked out of here right now, something would be irrevocably broken. She swung her legs off the bunk and tried to adjust the material of her skirt to cover her legs as the blanket fell to the ground. Elliot stood in place, and she struggled with what to say that would let him know that she wanted to try to fix things between them.

Elliot waited…rooted in place. He willed her to say something. He'd all but begged her to talk to him and she had shut him down. The ball was in her court.

"I just need…" Olivia started, still unsure of what she wanted to say. "I just…"

Elliot moved closer, encouraged by what she was saying. "What do you need Liv?" he asked quietly. He ducked down in front of her, balancing on his feet as he stared up at her. "Tell me."

"I want to try too…" _To talk. To get back to what they used to have. To figure out how to move forward._ "I just…I can't think straight right now."

Elliot felt disappointment coursing through him, but he tried to contain it. "OK." He started to push himself up when he felt Olivia's hand on his arm. He looked back up at her, wishing he could see her face better in the dark room. "Yeah?" He asked, when she didn't say anything.

"Will you…I mean, could you…would you stay?"

Elliot put his hand over hers and nodded. "Yeah. I'll stay."

Olivia gave him a small smile and swung her legs back onto the bunk. He grabbed the blanket off the floor and covered her as she got herself situated on the bed. He noticed she was facing him this time, and she let out a small sigh as she closed her eyes. He felt the urge to kiss her then…even if it was just on the forehead. But he held himself back.

He backed up, keeping his eyes trained on her, until he hit the bunk with the back of his legs. He sat down gently, trying to make sure the bed didn't squeak beneath his weight. He toed off his shoes, and lay down on the bunk, shifting on to his side so that he could keep his eyes on her.

He didn't know what the morning was going to bring, and he had no illusions that they were going to wake up and talk everything through and things would fall miraculously into place. But it was a start.


	5. Chapter 5

Elliot awoke with a start and immediately saw that Olivia's bunk was empty. He swiped his hand over his face, trying to clear this sleep from his eyes. He was surprised that he had been sleeping hard enough for Olivia to leave without him hearing; he usually didn't sleep very deeply in the cribs. He listened for a moment to determine if he could hear anything in the locker area, or if he heard the shower running. But it was silent except for the normal din beyond the door.

Elliot swung his legs off the bunk and pushed himself up, stretching to ease the stiffness that had developed from laying in one position for so long. He made his way out into the squad room, where he saw Munch at his desk. He glanced over at the Captain's office, but it was dark, and he noticed Fin wasn't at his desk either.

"Everyone's gone." Munch said. "Went home to catch a little sleep." He slapped the folder closed on his desk. "Which is where I'm going."

Elliot wanted to ask him about his interview with Josh Graham, but that wasn't his more immediate concern. "Have you seen Olivia?"

Munch shifted in his chair. "Yeah." He leaned back in his chair. "She came out of the cribs just as we were wrapping up with Graham. He saw Olivia and they talked…and then they left."

Elliot was incredulous. There were so many things wrong with Munch's statement. "What do you mean she left with him?"

"I was finishing up my paperwork here and I looked up and they were walking out."

"You just let her go?"

"What was I supposed to do? You think she was going to let me interfere?" Munch was annoyed, and Elliot knew he was right. He wouldn't ever be able to stop Olivia once she set her mind on something.

"You didn't arrest Graham?"

Munch shook his head. "There wasn't enough to hold him. he had an alibi for that night and we need to dig into it a little to see if it'll hold."

Elliot was exasperated. "What did they talk about?" Elliot asked. "Before they left?"

"I don't know. She pulled him into Cragen's office when she realized everyone was listening to their conversation. And then they were leaving."

"She didn't ask you to give me a message or anything?"

"I didn't even know you were here." Munch said.

Elliot turned around and lashed out, slamming Olivia's chair into her desk. " _Goddamnit._ " He was pissed off. She had asked him to stay, implying she wanted to talk, and then disappeared without a word.

With Graham no less.

He noticed a pile of blue on her desk, and realized it was the NYPD sweatshirt she'd been wearing. He picked it up and fingered the material as he thought about what she'd said to him just a few hours ago. He hadn't imagined the plea in her voice as she asked him to stay…or the implied promise of a discussion to come. He turned on his heel and looked back at John. "How long ago did they leave, and did they say where they were going?"

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat on the opposite side of the seat, stealing glances over at Josh as the cabbie made his way through the streets of the city. She wasn't sure why she had agreed to go with him, except that she needed answers to the questions that had been plaguing her since the moment Elliot had burst into his apartment.

She had tried to ask him at the precinct, but he was overwhelmed by the entire experience. He swore up and down that he didn't know what the hell was going on and had begged her to leave with him.

So here she was.

Olivia could see the stress the night had taken on Josh. His hair was messy, and it was clear the t-shirt and jeans he was dressed in had been pulled from a pile on the floor. His face was lined with fatigue, and she knew she probably looked the same.

Josh looked over at her, letting his eyes sweep down her form before landing back on her face. She felt self-conscious suddenly, and tugged at her skirt, trying to cover more of her legs. He reached for her hand, but she had pulled back. He got the message and it had been silent in the cab ever since.

When they pulled up to Josh's apartment, Olivia hesitated for a moment. She wished she would have had some clean clothes at the precinct, so she could have changed. She also wished she had her gun on her hip and her phone in her hand, but she had neither. It was on her lips to tell Josh she would be back later, but the reality is that she didn't feel threatened and she wanted answers.

Josh held the door open for her as she slid out of the seat on the side of the cab closest to the curb. She added it to her list of reasons that she was compiling on why Josh couldn't possibly be a rapist. She knew how ridiculous it was, but she couldn't seem to stop doing it.

Josh pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator for each of them and sat down at the table. "This is a nightmare." He said, not even really looking at Olivia.

Olivia sat down across from him, and he slid one of the bottles towards her. Olivia watched him as he picked at the label of the bottle. He was obviously deep in thought, and she let him work through it until he was ready to talk. It only took a few moments before he lifted his head and looked over at her.

"You believe me, don't you?"

Olivia opened her mouth to tell him yes, but then she closed it again. She honestly didn't know what to believe. She was a cop. She didn't make decisions based on hunches or feelings…or at least she shouldn't. And right now, she didn't have all the information she needed to draw any kind of conclusion about Josh's guilt or innocence. On top of all that, she was biased even more by the fact that she tended to believe an alleged victim vs. a suspect.

"You don't." Josh said, disbelief in his voice. Then he leaned over slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "If you think I raped someone, then what the hell are you doing here?"

Olivia heard the challenge in his voice, and a bit of anger as well. "I don't know. I don't…" She looked down at her water bottle as she wrapped her fingers around it. She lifted her eyes back to his. "Do you know her?"

"Jamie?" He gripped the bottle tightly. "Yes."

Olivia was surprised he admitted it. "How do you know her?"

"We went out."

"Went out." Olivia repeated, wondering if they actually dated, or if it was the same as her _dates_ with him.

"Yeah we went out." He got his fingernail beneath an edge of the label and tore at the paper.

"What does that mean?" Olivia asked.

Josh lifted his eyes to meet hers. "It means we went out."

"Why did I bother to come over here if you're not going to answer my questions?" Olivia asked, trying to mask the annoyance in her voice but failing.

Josh let out a huff. "I already _answered_ all these questions." Josh said. He pushed himself up from his chair and shoved it back angrily. "The last thing I need is another interrogation." He paced over to the couch and braced his arms on the back of it.

"This isn't an interrogation." Olivia insisted, although her words were hollow. "Don't I have a right to know?"

"Why? Josh turned around and faced her again "Because we're so close?"

Olivia heard the sneer in his voice as he said the word close, and she knew she deserved the dig. She'd kept him at arm's length the entire time she'd known him, despite his best efforts. "Because I want to understand what happened…"

His eyes snapped and flashed as the reality of the situation finally seemed to sink in and his fatigue and frustration kicked in. "Did I ever do _anything_ that made you think I would be capable of something like that?"

Olivia flashed back to the first night, when she'd come back to his apartment with him. _Do you ever use those cuffs?_ She'd looked at the small smirk on his face…the mischievous look in is blue eyes…and she'd handed them over to him.

"Did I?"

Josh was standing there, clearly demanding an answer, and she saw his fists balled at his sides, as if he was ready to strike. She wasn't exactly afraid, but for a moment, she wished that he wasn't standing between her and the door. _People lead double lives._

She couldn't erase the thought from her mind, and she bit down on her lip to keep the words from escaping. "No." She said finally, because that was the truth. He'd never done anything to make her think he was remotely capable of hurting a woman. "I just don't understand. I know my partner…my squad. They don't bring people in for questioning or get a search warrant without some kind of probable cause."

"So, I _must_ be guilty." Josh shook his head. "I thought you'd be on my side." He leaned back until he was leaning against the back of the couch and he dig into it with his fingers. "I guess I'm the idiot." He dropped his head and looked down at the floor. "I didn't do this Olivia. I would _never_ do anything like this…"

Olivia heard the conviction in his voice, and also the despair. She'd seen suspects that were consummate actors, but for some reason, Josh's words tore at her. "Josh…" She said quietly, moving over to where he was standing. He looked up as she neared and when she was standing right in front of him, she lifted her hand to his face. "I'm sorry." She said, flattening the palm of her hand against his cheek. She didn't know what she was apologizing for. Maybe it was for the situation he found himself in and all that went with it. Maybe it was because she couldn't let herself believe him unconditionally. Maybe it was both. "I want to be on your side." She said quietly.

Josh leaned into her and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. As they stood there, she could feel how fast his heart was beating, and she wondered what was going through his head at that moment.

She wondered if he was going to break down.

He tightened his hold on her and she turned her head away from his, resting her head on his shoulder. She let him hold her, feeling his fingers dig into her with desperation, and she wondered what the hell she was going to do now. She needed to talk to Fin and Munch and find out exactly what they uncovered. She needed to see the discovery…what proof they had provided to get a search warrant. She needed to see the background on Josh, and on Jamie Jensen.

All these things were running through her mind when she saw the door to Josh's apartment start to open. She furrowed her brow, not understanding what she was seeing, until she heard a familiar voice.

"Josh Graham?"

The door swung open completely, and she saw Elliot standing in the doorway.

The look on his face changed from concern laced with caution to something else. Anger…disbelief. He said her name sharply, and on instinct, she pulled herself out of Josh's arms.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Josh said, his anger exploding as Elliot took a few steps into the apartment.

Elliot trained his eyes on Olivia. She was standing in the same place, but he could see Josh moving around the couch in his peripheral vision. "Let's go." He was barely holding on here. He felt betrayed that she had left the precinct with Josh after their discussion the night before. He was angered by her recklessness and concerned about her safety. And he seriously questioned her judgement now, surprised to see her in the arms of a rapist.

"What?" Olivia looked between him and Josh.

"You can't break in here…" Josh stabbed at the air as he got close to Elliot.

Elliot glanced over at him briefly. "The door was ajar."

"Bullshit." Josh yelled.

Elliot looked back at Olivia. "I thought I heard someone yelling for help."

Olivia saw Elliot's eyes narrow, as if he were daring her to argue with his version of the story.

"We need to leave." Elliot said.

"No one was yelling for help. You're trespassing." Josh said angrily.

Elliot could feel the muscles in his jaw twitching as he tried to contain his anger. He saw Olivia look over at Josh, and then back at Elliot…he could almost hear her thoughts. "Liv."

Olivia heard the way he said her name…saw the anger coiled up inside of him…and an equally angry Josh clenching his fists by his sides. The tension in the room was palpable, and Olivia knew she needed to diffuse the situation. She moved quickly around the couch, placing herself in between the two men. She reached out and placed a hand on Elliot's arm. "I'll go with you…"

"Olivia." Josh protested, but Olivia turned towards him quickly.

"It's better this way." She said, cutting him off before he could say anything else. She saw the look on his face, but he knew she wasn't going to stay. She wondered if he honestly expected her too…but then again, he didn't know all of her history with Elliot. She reached out and squeezed his arm gently, as if to tell him she was sorry.

Seconds later, Elliot had wrapped a hand around her bicep, gently tugging her away from Josh and forcing her to drop her hand. Olivia looked at him sharply, and he dropped his hand quickly, obviously seeing the venom in her eyes.

He watched as she brushed by him and headed towards the door of the apartment. As she cleared the threshold, he looked back at Josh Graham, and narrowed his eyes. "If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from her." Then he turned and followed her out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia didn't wait for Elliot, but as she stabbed at the elevator button, she knew he was right behind her. She considered taking the stairs but running down 24 flights of stairs wasn't appealing after the few hours of sleep she'd had, and she knew he'd track her down. Just as he'd found her at Josh's. She was so angry with him…for presuming he knew what was best for her. She could barely believe he followed her here to Josh's, and basically broke into his apartment.

"Hey."

Olivia turned to see Elliot come around the corner, but she ignored him and punched the elevator button again. She was angry and tired and so damn conflicted, and she just wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He asked.

"I'm really not in the mood." Olivia fired back, speaking in a hushed tone but with enough anger in her voice to let Elliot know she meant what she said.

"You're not in the _mood_?" He asked angrily.

"Keep your voice down." Olivia looked around quickly and then shot him a dirty look.

Elliot took that opportunity to take a step closer to her, and it took everything in her not to take a step back. But when Elliot was angry, as he was now, it was hard because he was intimidating as hell. It wasn't that she was physically afraid of him, it was just natural to create space in a situation like this. But she had to let him know that she wasn't going to put up with his bullshit tactics; she wasn't going to show any sign of weakness or deference to him.

"Fine." Elliot said, lowering his voice. But the scowl on his face remained. "What the hell were you thinking?" He asked more quietly, but with as much vehemence as when he'd asked originally.

Olivia ignored him again and pushed the elevator button several times. _What was taking so long?_

Elliot was nonplussed. "You're really not going to talk to me?"

Olivia turned her head and looked at him. "This isn't talking. This is you yelling."

"Damn right I'm yelling." Elliot asserted. "When my partner sneaks off with a suspect…"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're being dramatic. I didn't _sneak_ off. Munch saw me leave. And besides, you were sleeping."

"Exactly my point. You promised me we could talk this morning, but instead, I wake up to find out you left with _him_." Elliot pointed vaguely in the direction of Josh's apartment.

Olivia narrowed her eyes, hearing the spite in Elliot's voice. " _Him_?" She repeated it, so he could hear how ridiculous he sounded. "So, you're…what? _Jealous_?"

Elliot took a step back, surprised to hear the accusation and the venom in Olivia's voice. "Hmphh." The idea was preposterous. "Why would I be jealous of some guy that doesn't mean anything more to you than just a quick…"

The elevator dinged, interrupting his statement, and Olivia wondered if he would have finished the sentence if it hadn't. The doors opened, distracting both of them, and they had to take a step back to let off several people. Thankfully, the elevator was now empty, and Olivia stepped into it quickly, finding the button for the lobby and pushing it and the door close button quickly. Elliot followed her inside before the doors closed, and he assumed a spot on the opposite side of the car.

"How well can you possibly know him?" Elliot asked.

Olivia didn't bother to turn to look at him. She knew he'd heard every word of Tucker's interview, and had obviously made his judgements, just as she'd expected. "Because we're just screwing?"

"That's not what…"

"BS." Olivia said, calling him on his denial before he could even say it. "I don't need you making judgements about me or my sex life." She shot a glance over at him and saw a hard look on his face. She didn't know if he'd slept with anyone since his separation from Kathy, but she didn't think so. They were technically still married, unless he'd signed the divorce papers and she just wasn't aware of it, so she assumed that sleeping with someone else was probably against some Catholic ideology. She turned back towards the doors just as they reached the lobby with a ding. "At least one of us is having sex."

The doors of the elevator had almost closed again before Elliot could move, stinging from the verbal backlash. He knew he had started it, but she'd been a little too close to the mark. He hated to admit it to himself, and he'd never admit it to her, but he _was_ jealous. He'd been jealous when he'd found her in bed with Graham and he'd been jealous when he'd found she'd left him at the squad room this morning without so much as a heads up or a note.

He didn't understand how she could pick Graham over him when…

He shut that line of thinking down, sticking his hand between the doors and forcing them back open. He cursed his anger and his jealousy, knowing it was what drove these arguments between them. Not that he was the only one to blame. Olivia could deliver her own punches, such as the parting shot she'd delivered right before she'd left him in the elevator. For some reason, lashing out at each other and throwing barbs was always easier than talking about anything.

But Olivia could be in real trouble here. If Graham really was their perp, he was potentially a ticking time bomb. Some rapists led normal lives, but stress and the threat of being caught could make their behavior erratic, and Olivia could be in danger. He had to let her know that he was concerned about her and they could sort out the rest later.

He rushed out of the building, and saw Olivia was already halfway in the street with her arm in the air.

"Olivia!"

Olivia heard Elliot calling her name, but a taxi was already pulling up to stop in front of her and she didn't turn back as it stopped. She just needed to get away…she needed some time to think. She also needed a shower, sleep and a fresh perspective. Olivia slid into the cab and reached over to pull the door handle, but Elliot was there with his hand on the doorframe, preventing her from closing it. She looked up at him sharply.

"Liv." He was breathing heavily as he'd run to catch up with her. Elliot hunched down so he could see her eye to eye.

"Get out of the way." Olivia said, reaching for the door. But Elliot didn't budge.

"Hey man." The cabbie said, and Elliot looked up at him. "Seems like she wants to you to leave her alone." He said it kind of tentatively, and Elliot shot him a hard look. He looked away, but Elliot saw him pick up his cell phone. The last thing he needed was for the cabbie to call dispatch or the cops, but he turned back to Olivia and made one last plea.

"Let me come with you. We need to talk." He plead. He heard a horn honking behind them as they blocked the narrow residential street.

"Get outta the way." The cabbie said, and he took his foot off the brake slightly, causing the car to roll forward slightly and causing Elliot to lose his balance. He grabbed at the door, but it was out of reach. He saw Olivia reach for it, but she got one last lash in before she closed it completely.

"Why start now?"

Then the door closed, and the cab took off, and Elliot had to scramble up to get out of the middle of the street.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot stood outside Josh Graham's apartment, knowing he shouldn't confront him again, but finding himself unable to keep away. This guy was messing with Olivia's head, and he had to find out for himself if this guy was really as innocent as he claimed to be, or if he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. He trusted Olivia's judgment but to a point.

He lifted a hand to knock on the door, wondering what he was going to find on the other side, when the door opened suddenly. Josh was clearly startled to see him standing there, and he stepped back quickly.

"What the hell do you want?"

Elliot heard the anger in the man's voice, and he guessed he couldn't blame him. If he really was wrongly accused, all of this could be really stressful.

"I wanted to talk to you about Olivia." He said, trying not to sound as angry as when he'd threatened the man just a few minutes ago so he could gain access.

"What about her?" Josh asked.

"Can I come in?" Elliot looked around. "I don't want to talk in the hallway."

"Excuse me if I don't trust you. You look like you want to beat the shit out of me."

Josh started to close the door in his face, but Elliot put his foot out, effectively stopping it. He put his hands in the air. "Listen. I'm not on the case, and it's up to the NYPD and the courts to make their case and try you. But Olivia…" He let out a sigh. "She's my partner and she has been for a long time. It's my job to protect her…" He pressed his lips together. "I trust her, and I trust her gut and she tells me you're not the guy but I…I just need to hear your side of the story. To be sure. I promise just to listen."

Elliot could see that Josh was thinking about his request. He knew if he was in the same situation, he probably would have told him to go to hell. Especially since Elliot was the one that had arrested him. He remained quiet, and then he could see that Josh had made up his mind.

"OK." He said reluctantly. "For Olivia."

The way Josh said her name made him think that maybe there was more to Josh's feelings for her than he'd thought, and it made him think about his rush to judgment. "I appreciate it. I really do." Josh stepped back and opened the door, and Elliot walked into his apartment, not sure what to expect.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke from her long nap and stretched. She reached for her phone on her nightstand but came up empty. She sat up, looking around for it, and then her memory slammed back into her.

 _Elliot finding her at Josh's apartment._

 _Tucker's interview._

 _Josh's anger as he defended himself._

 _The cab pulling away as Elliot fell backwards onto the pavement._

She groaned at the memory, and she felt badly about how she'd treated Elliot. But she had been so damned angry with him for his judgement and his macho tactics.

She knew it was rooted in concern, but she wasn't some damsel in distress.

She let out a sound of frustration. _Why did everything between them have to be so difficult?_ She nixed that line of thinking as she climbed out of bed. She knew damn well why it was so difficult. It was the same reason she'd gone to computer crimes and had let herself be roped into going undercover in Oregon. It was the same reason she'd reacted so badly when she'd found that _woman_ , Dani Beck, sitting at her desk. It was the same reason she hated every single hair on that woman's head when she saw Elliot smiling and laughing with her.

It reminded her of them, before hidden emotions and unspoken desire had laced every interaction between them, causing frustration and tension to mount.

A part of her wanted to go back to those simpler days. But the other part of her wanted some damned resolution. A path forward.

Which was never going to happen. Elliot couldn't even sign his divorce papers; why would he ever admit to anything other than mutual respect and friendship for her?

That left her in this current predicament. Dating…going through the motions…with no real hope or desire to start any kind of relationship. Which is what made this thing with Josh so easy. No expectations. Just sex.

He had wanted more but had accepted it for what it was. She wished more of her dates would be like Josh. Who would have thought it would be so hard to get laid in 2018? But men her age were interested in getting married…starting a family.

She tried to fall in love…at least that's what she told herself. But she knew she would never be able to settle for something less than what her heart wanted.

God, she was pathetic.

She wished she had her phone. She wondered if Elliot had tried to call, forgetting that she didn't have it.

She wondered if he'd given up on her.

Olivia threw herself back on the bed with a loud groan. This entire situation was a mess. She had to get to the bottom of it and confirm Josh was innocent of the charges against him. Anything less would be unbelievable to her. And she had to talk to Elliot. They had fought plenty of times before, but at some time in the near future, they were going to reach their breaking point.

She couldn't let this be that time.


	7. Chapter 7

Elliot watched Josh make his way across the room, never turning his back or taking his eyes off Elliot the entire time. He gestured for Elliot to sit down across the table from him, but he chose to lean against the kitchen counter while Josh took a seat. The guy seemed nervous, but Elliot could appreciate that the situation Josh Graham found himself in was a little unnerving. He was going to do his best to contain his anger, as he wanted Graham to relax a little so that Elliot could see the real person behind the mask of nerves and fear. If it was an act, he was doing a good job, because there wasn't anything that was setting off alarm bells.

Yet.

"So…" Elliot started, crossing his arms across his chest. "How did you and Olivia meet?"

Graham sighed, and Elliot wondered if Munch or Cragen had asked him about Olivia in their interrogation. In a way, he hoped they hadn't, because it felt slightly like an invasion of her privacy. But, on the other hand, it would allow him to compare notes and see if he could trip this guy up with differing answers.

"At a bar."

"Which bar?"

"Does it matter?" Graham asked testily.

Elliot knew it really didn't, but he wanted the information anyway. "Humor me."

"It's a place called Employee's Only in the West Village. She was there, having a drink with someone else, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was wearing this black dress and …oh man…she was just so…"

He seemed lost in the memory as he got this faraway look in his eye, and Elliot cleared his throat. He didn't near to hear about this guy's hard-on for his partner. Luckily Graham got the hint and resumed. "Well, you know. She's a beautiful woman. I couldn't believe my luck when they parted ways later that night, and I followed her out to her cab. I asked her if she wanted to have a drink with me."

"And she said yes?" Elliot tried to imagine it…how Olivia would react to some guy walking up to her as she was getting into a cab…and her reaction to an invitation from a stranger.

"Well…yes."

"Was she drunk?"

"No." Josh shook his head. "I mean, she'd been drinking but she wasn't falling down drunk or anything."

Elliot knew he was wearing his skepticism on his face. Olivia was cautious. He knew that. They had both heard enough horror stories over the years. But it seemed so unlike her to go out with one man and leave with another and yet, it was the same story he'd heard in the wee hours of the morning, when Tucker had questioned Olivia about how she ended up in Graham's apartment last night.

"So, you guys went out for a drink." Elliot prodded.

"Yes, we walked down the street a little to a quieter place. I don't remember the name of it."

"How long were you there?"

Graham shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Long enough to have one drink. Not long. She was getting anxious to leave."

"Did you put her in a cab or did you go with her and drop her at her apartment?" Elliot asked.

"We came back here." Graham got a small smile on his face as he stared at Elliot, and it took everything within him not to react. _What the hell?_ He knew Olivia was reckless sometimes, certain of her own invincibility but he couldn't believe she went home with a man she'd known for probably less than an hour. It didn't make any sense.

"Hmph." Elliot let out a non-committal sound. "And you're telling me she wasn't drunk."

"Listen, I don't have to get women drunk to have sex with me." He put up a hand. "And before you go accusing me of forcing her, you have to know that it was _her_ idea. I didn't ask her, but I certainly wasn't going to say no."

Elliot clenched his jaw tightly.

"Listen." Graham said. "I appreciate that you are concerned about her, but she seems like she can take care of herself. If you want any more information on our relationship, you're going to have to ask her."

"Relationship?" Elliot sneered. "I'd hardly call it a relationship."

"Whatever man." Graham said, holding out his hands to the side with his palms up. "I know you wanted to talk to me to find out more about these accusations, but so far, the only thing I'm hearing is questions about Olivia." He pushed himself up from his chair. "So, if we're done here…"

"We're not done." Elliot said. He saw Graham look at him stonily, and Elliot knew he was trying to decide how far to push him. He watched as Graham sat back down slowly with a heavy sigh. He wanted to ask more about Olivia…to find out how well she could possibly know him…but he knew she was off-limits now. So he changed tactics. "So tell me about this woman that's accusing you of rape."

"I'll tell you what I told the other detectives. I know her. We dated for a short time. We broke up. I wasn't happy about it, but that's life. I didn't have anything to do with her assault. I was at a party that night."

"We'll be checking that alibi." Elliot said, and Graham just nodded.

He asked him a series of questions about what he did for a living, where he was from, where he went to school and on and on, but he still couldn't get a read on the guy. It was bothering him, because at his point, he knew he should have a strong feeling one way or the other. Instead, he was getting nothing. Graham seemed like a nice guy. Charming and polite, or at least as polite as someone could be under these circumstances. He should be losing patience now…and maybe that's what was getting under Elliot's skin. He should be done answering questions…but instead, the fear and nerves had dropped away, and he seemed content to answer Elliot's endless questions.

It was only when he was talking about Olivia that he'd been impatient to be done.

Elliot filed that away…unsure of what that meant. If anything.

Elliot pushed himself away from the counter and dropped his arms. "I guess I don't have any other questions for you." He said, and he saw a small measure of relief cross Graham's features. He knew he should thank the man for letting him in, but he wasn't feeling that generous. He headed towards the door, but at the last moment, he turned. He saw was standing just a few feet from where he'd left him. "Just because we talked here doesn't change what I said before. Stay away from Olivia." Then he turned and headed out the door.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia had showered again and changed into jeans and a white, long-sleeved, V-neck t-shirt. She had only slept for about 3 hours, but after only getting 2 hours the night before, anything helped. She stood in her kitchen, trying to decide her next move. She assumed Elliot had gone home after their 'discussion' outside Josh's apartment, and she wondered if he had fallen into bed like she had. Or if he had taken out his anger on a gym bag or some unsuspecting walls. He tended to hold on to his anger, so she could see him doing that, and she felt a stab of guilt. Maybe when his anger was spent, he'd collapsed into sleep. She hoped so because they had both needed it.

It bothered her that she didn't know where he was right now.

She looked at her watch, and saw it was only a little after 2PM. _Christ,_ it had been just a little over 12 hours since she'd shown up at Josh's door and so much had happened in that short span of time. Olivia eyed her regular phone, wondering if she could call Elliot. She walked over to where it was sitting on the end table, and sat down hard on the couch, pulling it onto her lap. She debated for a few minutes, and then decided to check in with Cragen. She hadn't gone in to work today; she hadn't even considered it. It was the right call to make. Besides, he would know where Elliot was and if she could get her phone back.

When she hung up the phone, she had her marching orders. She could come into the precinct and get her phone, as they'd gotten all the information necessary from it, and from her phone company. She was to take the next few days off as the dust settled, and Elliot was under the same orders. She had tried to argue with him, but the Captain had been adamant. They were keeping the case in SVU, but under strict orders that neither she or Elliot were to be involved. And Cragen felt that the best way to ensure that and to keep up the appearance of compliance was to keep them out of the squad room. She didn't try to read between the lines or ask too many questions. The Captain had to know that he both of them wouldn't drop it completely, but it was an admonishment and a warning. And neither she nor Elliot would ever want to risk a victim not getting justice.

Olivia hung up with him, wondering about her next move. She was itching to call Elliot but wondered if she needed to give him a little space. It was probably a better idea to pick up her phone and see if he'd made any kind of contact before she decided her next steps. Olivia pushed herself off the couch, grabbed some cash and her house key, pulled on some short boots, and headed to the precinct.

EOEOEOEO

When Olivia walked into the precinct, she saw the Captain's door was closed. Fin and Munch were at their desks, and they both looked up as she walked to her desk.

"Hey Liv." Munch said. "Sorry about all this…" He waved a hand in the general direction of the interrogation rooms, so she assumed he was referring to her questioning by Tucker and their questioning of Josh.

Olivia shook her head. "It's not your fault." She said as she looked around her desk and her drawers, wondering where they put her phone. "I'm assuming you didn't fabricate a confession from the victim."

"You looking for this?" Fin held up her phone, and Olivia's cheeks burned slightly at the thought of he and Munch going through her personal messages. She wasn't one for sexting, but some of the messages between her and Josh were pretty succinct and to the point. And she didn't even want to think of the sheer number of messages between she and Elliot. All perfectly plutonic and partner-like in every way…except when it wasn't. Nothing overt, but she was pretty certain Fin didn't text Munch and ask him how he was doing or how he was handling the aftermath of a case or what he needed.

"Yes." Olivia said, walking over to Fin's desk and taking the proffered phone. She waited a beat, but neither he or Munch commented on any of the messages they'd read, and she appreciated it. Olivia opened up the lock screen, and scanned for new message or calls, but there weren't any. She felt a surge of disappointment, when she should have known there wouldn't be anything. Her biting comments had certainly pissed him off, and she couldn't even imagine how he'd felt after the cab had all but dumped him on the street. "Has Elliot been in?" She asked, trying to appear nonchalant. She knew she had failed miserably when Fin looked over at Munch with a knowing look.

"No." John said quickly. "Cragen said the two of you have a couple of days off and that if we see either one of you, we're supposed to arrest you." He tried for humor, but it fell flat, and his smile was more of a wince.

"Yeah, I know. I'm going. I just needed this." Olivia said, holding up her phone. She glanced over at Cragen's office, wondering if she should check in, and decided against it. She bit down on her bottom lip and turned back to her squad mates. "But before I go, anything you can tell me about our victim or …" She knew she shouldn't have asked, but she had hoped they would throw her a bone. Their look said no such luck. "OK. I get it." She said as he gave them a small smile. "I guess I'll see you in a few days." She turned and started to walk away, when Munch called her name. She stopped and turned back towards he and Fin.

"For what it's worth, if it turns out that Graham is guilty, we both know that you had no idea what he was." John said. "We know that." He affirmed.

Olivia smiled. "Thanks."

John stood up. "And one more thing. No matter what happens, we're not going to let Tucker drag your name through the mud."

Olivia was a little startled to hear John's comment, but she shouldn't be surprised by it. Tucker'd had it in for her since Day 1.

"He's a Grade A asshole." Fin added.

Olivia nodded. She didn't need them to tell her that.


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia walked out of the squad room but stopped in the hallway to check for messages. She was surprised to find she didn't have any text messages or missed calls. Then again, almost everyone she knew that would try to contact her knew that she didn't have her phone. She pulled up Elliot's last text message, just in case it was her notifications that had been turned off, but found it was a text from yesterday morning, asking if she wanted him to bring her a muffin or a scone. She hadn't answered him in time, and he'd brought both.

She remembered the comment Fin had made to Munch…about stepping up his game or something to that effect…and it made her smile. Even though sometimes she felt this huge chasm between them, she had to admit that there were a lot of little things that happened between them on a daily basis that reminded her of just how intertwined their lives had become.

Olivia closed her messaging app, and then opened it again, trying to decide on a message to send to Elliot. She could keep it light. _Just wanted to let you know I got my phone back_. Or she could just check in with something about Cragen's orders. _Sounds like we've got a few days off._ Or she could apologize for leaving him on the street last night…and for leaving him in the cribs. _Just wanted to say I'm sorry. We should talk._ In the end, she closed her messaging app. If she was going to say she was sorry, it needed to be in person. And he hadn't reached out to her, so maybe he wasn't ready to talk.

She would give him a little more time and space.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia opened her eyes with a start, unsure as to what had awoken her. She noticed the sun cast long shadows across the room, and she knew it was late afternoon, or maybe even early evening. The TV was on low, and her leftover deli salad was sitting on the coffee table. She realized she must have fallen asleep on the couch, and she must have slept for a long time. Another round of knocking on the door startled her, and she realized that's what must have woken her in the first place.

Olivia scrambled up, and grabbed her phone, looking to see if Elliot had sent a message letting her know that he was on his way over. She noted it was almost 7, but she didn't have any calls or texts. "Coming." She yelled as she heard another round of knocking. She paused momentarily at the mirror in the small foyer and took in her messy hair and smudged eyeliner. She swiped at her hair, but there wasn't much to be done and she let out a huff as she turned to answer the door.

She pulled open the door and her eyes widened when she saw Josh Graham standing there instead of Elliot. "Josh."

He smiled. "Hey." He said, bracing one arm against the doorframe.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I wanted to talk to check in on you and see how you were doing. You left pretty abruptly this morning."

"Yeah…" Olivia thought about Elliot's sudden appearance at Josh's apartment, and the way he'd pushed his way inside. "I'm sorry about that."

"He seems a little overprotective." Josh said, dropping his arm and taking a few steps inside the door, until Olivia moved back to let him in.

"It's our jobs…you know…to look out for each other." Olivia said. As she closed the door, she realized he had worked his way into her apartment, and she wondered about having him there.

"Is that what it is?" He asked, moving closer to her. "Or is there something else?" He kept moving towards her and she instinctively walked backwards as he advanced.

Olivia saw him raise his eyebrows, and she heard the lightly veiled innuendo there, but he was clearly fishing. "We work together." She said firmly. "But he still shouldn't have barged in like that." Her back hit the wall between her foyer and kitchen, and Josh leaned his right arm against the wall, caging her in on one side.

He leaned in, his eyes dropping to her mouth before they moved back up to her eyes. "You could make it up to me." He said, his intentions clear in his voice.

Olivia tried to make light of it with a small laugh, and she slipped away from him into the small galley kitchen. "How did you get in the building?" She asked. She started to clean up the bags and wrap from her take-out meal, so she had something to do with her hands, as Josh stood in the arched doorway to the kitchen.

"I was just about to buzz you, when I someone else walked into the building. I just walked in behind them." He gave he another smile. "I probably shouldn't have done that huh?" His face broke into a grin, and he moved towards her with a mischievous look in his eyes. "Am I in trouble officer?"

Olivia felt her heart hammering in her chest, and she didn't know why. Josh wasn't acting any differently than any night she'd shown up at his apartment. The only thing that was unique about tonight is that she wasn't the one in charge, and they weren't at his place. "How do you know where I live?" She asked, realizing they'd never been to her apartment before; he'd never even picked her up or dropped her off here. She did that on purpose until she got to know a man better, protecting her privacy.

He held up his hands. "Busted." He said. "On those nights that you wouldn't let me bring you home…I followed your taxi. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to make sure you got home safely."

Olivia thought about those early mornings, when she'd snag her clothes off the floor, and he'd ask if he could take her home. She had always declined…but had he followed her anyway? She had to admit that once she'd ducked into her cab, she didn't really pay much attention to what was going on around her. She was typically thinking about getting home to shower and making it to the precinct in time, or about slipping back in bed to get some more sleep if she wasn't working. "Hmm." She said non-commitally. Olivia opened up the refrigerator. "Would you like something to drink?" She grabbed a bottle of beer and held it up.

Josh seemed to get the hint, and he grabbed the beer with a smile and turned to walk into the living room. Olivia breathed easier, still wondering about her reaction to him. Maybe all the speculation about his guilt or innocence was getting to her.

She reached in too the refrigerator and pulled out another beer for herself, let the door close behind her as she followed him into the living room. She saw Josh had situated himself at one end of the couch, and she settled on the opposite corner, screwing off the top of her beer and taking along drink before she set it on the coffee table.

Josh took a sip of his beer, but kept his eyes trained on her. When he had drained about half the bottle, he fiddled with the bottle as he set it on his thigh. "That partner of yours…he came back after you left this morning."

"What?" Olivia asked. That shocked the hell out of her, and she let her eyes rove over his face and body more closely, looking for injuries. He was angry…and she wouldn't put it past him to take his anger out on Josh a little.

Josh laughed a little, as if he could read her mind. "We just talked."

"About me?" Olivia asked.

"Why would you think we'd be talking about you?" Josh asked, mocking innocence.

Olivia shrugged. "We're not supposed to talk about the case, so I just assumed…"

"Are you sure there's not more between the two of you then you're telling me?" He said, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not an idiot."

Olivia didn't like the direction this discussion was going. "I'm telling you the truth, but what do you care? It's not like we're in a relationship."

"It's not that I haven't asked you." Josh said. "I told you that I wanted that. With you."

Olivia pushed herself up off the couch. "Josh…" She shook her head. "That's not going to happen."

She watched a range of emotions cross his features, but after a minute, he let out a sigh, and relaxed against the back of the couch, giving her a disarming smile. "I know." He took a sip of his beer, and Olivia sat back down. Josh lowered his beer. "Let's start over." He said. "I just wanted to stop in and check on you. Make sure you were OK after this morning. I know I was a little off, but this whole thing…it's been a little nerve-wracking."

"I know." Olivia said. "But my squad…they're good. They'll dig into every detail and they'll find the guy that did this and prove your innocence."

"I sure hope so because I can't think about anything else right now."

"I know it's hard, but just try to stick to your normal routine and try not to think about it while they work the details."

Josh nodded. "And you? You're going to be okay? Your job and everything?"

Olivia nodded. "Don't worry about me. I just can't work on the case and my Captain suggested Elliot and I take a few days off. Internal Affairs is involved, but I haven't done anything. He's just being…" She shrugged her shoulders. "Typical IAB."

"Good." Josh said. "Because I care about you Olivia. I really do." He held up his beer, as if to give a toast, and Olivia held hers up as well. "To the NYPD. May the find the bastard that did this and leave me the hell alone."

Olivia couldn't help but smile as he adopted a charming smirk on his face, and she wondered what had changed from this morning. He had seemed more nervous then, but he'd just gotten out of a lengthy interview after virtually no sleep. He probably had the benefit of a little perspective now.

Josh drained his drink and set it on the coffee table. He started to get up off the couch. "Well, I should probably go." He said.

Olivia found that she didn't want him to go. "You can stay." She said, not quite asking him, but letting him know he was welcome.

Josh raised an eyebrow at her. "You're sure?"

"Yeah. We can watch a movie or just talk."

"Talk." Josh repeated.

Olivia knew her suggestions were probably throwing him off, as his entire history with her didn't ever permit for much beyond sex. Or maybe he was hoping they'd end up in her bed eventually.

Maybe they would.

"Yeah…is that OK?"

Josh smiled. "It's perfect."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot rolled over, groaning at the stiffness in his body. He must not have moved the entire time he'd been sleeping, and his muscles were tight. He was also hungry, and his mouth was dry as the desert. He scrubbed his hand over his face and turned his head to look at the clock. It was almost 7, and he couldn't believe he had slept that long. He wondered, if he closed his eyes and rolled over, would he sleep until morning?

His eyes landed on his cell phone and he dragged it off the table and held it up in front of his face as he rolled onto his back. He saw he had two missed calls and a voicemail, but one was from Cragen and the other was from Fin… and one of them had obviously left a message. He didn't have any other messages or texts, and he found he was disappointed. He had expected Olivia to call him with an apology…or at the very least, some extension of an olive branch. When they were in the office every day, they had to work out their differences. But now that they were both _on vacation_ , there was no impetus for them to talk. One of them was going to have to make the first move.

He would have expected it to be Olivia, but the woman was so damned stubborn…he wasn't sure if she would. On top of that, she had a lot on her mind with Josh…and he knew it was tearing her apart. Elliot let out a heavy sigh, knowing he wasn't going to be able to go days without talking to her. He slid his legs off the bed and sat up, trying to figure out how he was feeling about everything that had happened, and his next step. He found that for the most part, his anger was gone, and he just wanted to talk to her and find out what was going on with her. There had to be something that was driving her reckless behavior, and he needed to find out.

He padded out to the kitchen, pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drained it. He stood in the kitchen and developed a plan. He would take a shower, stop and pick up some food, and surprise Olivia at her apartment. She couldn't turn him away as easily if he was standing at her door. Especially if he brought food. And beer.

He hoped she would let him in.

And more importantly, that maybe they could talk…really talk…for the first time in a long time.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I know it's been way too long. But you had a bunch of updates in quick succession, so maybe that held you over! Here you go!

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot let himself into Olivia's apartment building with they key he had, juggling the Chinese food and a six pack of beer he had picked up. It had taken him longer to get here then planned, and a part of him was surprised he was here at all. He had rethought his decision about a half a dozen times…arguing with himself about stopping in. _She_ was the one that had left him so unceremoniously on the street, so she should be the one to reach out to _him_. But in the end, he hadn't been able to stay away. He didn't like it when things were unsettled between them.

He didn't dwell on the fact that it bothered him more to fight with Olivia than it had to fight with his wife.

Elliot waited for the elevator, but he lost patience at how slowly it was running and took the stairs. Age was a bitch because his knees were killing him as he reached the fourth floor, but he shook it off as he approached her apartment. He hoped she didn't slam the door in his face, but he didn't really expect that she would.

He shifted the beer into his left arm, cradling it as he knocked on the door. He listened but couldn't hear any noise from within. He wondered if she had gone out, and lifted his hand to knock again, when the door swung open. He could see the look of surprise on her face, and as he took in her mussed hair and smudged eye make-up, he wondered if he had woken her.

"Hey." He said, giving her a small smile. He hoped that would let her know that he wasn't here to fight with her.

"Hey." Olivia said. She saw the smile on Elliot's face, and the food and beer, and knew he was here to try to negotiate a truce between them. She was truly shocked that he had made the effort though…it wasn't like him to make a peace offering when he thought he'd been wronged. She appreciated the effort, but it put her in an awkward situation.

"Did I wake you?" Elliot asked, sensing her hesitation. She only had the door partially open, with one hand on the door and one hand on the doorframe, effectively blocking him from coming in.

"No." Olivia said quickly. "I just…" She shrugged slightly and pressed her lips together. "I'm just surprised to see you."

Elliot wasn't sure how to read her right now, but he sensed she was uncomfortable. Maybe she wasn't ready to iron things out, but he wasn't going to give up easily. "We never had a chance to talk this morning and I thought we probably…" Elliot heard someone say her name, and he stopped mid-sentence. He saw Olivia glance backwards quickly and then turn back towards him. "Is someone here?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows together.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't know what to say. She could see Elliot's features changing, from the small smile he'd had on his face when she had answered the door to something that seemed a mixture of disbelief and anger.

"Who's here?" He asked again, placing the palm of his free hand in the middle of the door and pushing against it. He saw Olivia stumble backwards slightly unprepared for the movement, but her hand dropped from the door and the frame, and the door swung back easily on its hinges. He stepped into the foyer, but he stopped cold when he saw Josh Graham standing in Olivia's living room. He looked at her and then back at Josh. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"El." Olivia took a step towards him, but Elliot stretched out his arm towards her with his palm out and one finger in the air, effectively stopping her without touching her. He never took his eyes off Josh, narrowing them as he waited for an answer.

Elliot watched as Josh shifted on his feet, sizing him up. He was undoubtedly thinking about both of Elliot's warnings to stay away from Olivia, and the barely contained rage he'd been privy to and Elliot saw his eyes dart to Olivia, as if waiting for her to intervene on his behalf. His eyes only landed there for a moment before they moved to the door, and then they landed back on Elliot.

Olivia batted his hand away; she didn't appreciate the way he had barged in to her apartment, or the way he was challenging Josh right now. He didn't have any right to be possessive. "Knock it off." She said as brushed by him and towards Josh.

Elliot saw Josh look at Olivia and then back at Elliot and he gave Olivia a smile. "I need to get going anyway."

"You don't have to go." Olivia said quickly, but she could tell she wasn't going to convince him to stay.

"It's OK." Josh said.

Elliot saw him glance over at him one more time, but then he gave him a smile and turned his attention back to Olivia. He watched as Josh slid his right hand up and over her jaw, tangling his fingers in her hair as he pressed his mouth against hers. He heard a small sound from Olivia, and he wasn't sure if it was a sound of surprise or protest, but he gritted his teeth as Josh kissed her deeply and slowly. When he released her mouth, he gave Olivia another small smile.

"I'll call you later." He said. He narrowed his eyes and walked over to where Elliot was standing, a clear challenge in his eyes. "Nice to see you again Detective." Then he brushed by Elliot, causing the bottles he held in the crook of his arm to clatter against each other slightly. Elliot clenched his jaw, resisting every urge in his body to let this prick know exactly who the better man was…but he wasn't going to make a scene in Olivia's apartment. He needed Graham to leave so he could finally have a much-needed discussion with Olivia.

The second the door was closed, Elliot marched into the living room and set the beer and Chinese food on the coffee table. He passed Olivia as he did so, and he could see a tinge of pink in her cheeks and the redness of her lips from Graham's kiss. He was trying really hard to keep his cool because he didn't want to yell, so he took a deep breath before he turned to face her.

"Do you mind telling me what he was doing here?" He asked it as calmly as he could.

Olivia's was embarrassed by the kiss, although she supposed it was a lot better than finding her in Josh's bed. But Elliot was clearly pissed off to find him here, and she replayed the scene in Josh's apartment this morning. Her normal mode of operation would be to go on the offensive, especially at the way he had pushed his way into her apartment, but she didn't want this to escalate. She was amazed he was here at all after what had happened earlier in the day. "He just stopped by to see if I was okay."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "He just stopped by. Hmmm." He repeated. "But he just saw you this morning."

"Well, if you remember, we were interrupted." Olivia watched his face as she brought up the subject of his intrusion at Josh's apartment.

"There's something off about that guy." Elliot said, completely ignoring her comment.

"He said you came back. After I left." Olivia said, deciding to ignore his comment too.

"You mean after you left my laying in the middle of the street?"

"I didn't mean for that to happen." Olivia said, shaking her head. "The cabbie started driving away…" She waved her hand, indicating motion.

"You didn't exactly tell him to stop." He could see Olivia was about to respond, but he held up his hand. "It doesn't matter. I don't care about that." He dropped his hand. "I went back to talk to him. I just wanted to talk to him, but I have to tell you, I couldn't get any kind of read on the guy." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you sure he wasn't here just to find out what you knew about the case against him?"

Olivia shook her head. "No."

Elliot raised an eyebrow in question. "How many times has he stopped by before?" he asked, questioning her denial. He was reasonably certain, based on what he'd heard in interrogation, that the two of them didn't really keep regular hours.

"You're wrong." Olivia said.

"Has he been here before tonight?" He had already heard about some of her reckless behavior. He certainly hoped she wasn't crazy enough to bring strange men back to her apartment.

Olivia pressed her lips together and just stared at him.

"That's what I thought." Elliot said. He dropped his arms and looked at her thoughtfully. Olivia's eyes were trained on his, but her stance was defensive. "What made you decide to tell him where you live now, when we're in the middle of this case? That's crazy. I thought…" He stopped talking when he saw Olivia's eyebrows knit together and she dropped her eyes.

Olivia thought about the story Josh had told her. Now that she was thinking about it, she doubted it's validity. There was no way he climbed out of bed, got dressed and caught another cab to follow her home, just to make sure she was "safe." There would have been no way he would have even made it out of the building before her taxi took off.

She wondered how stupid she could be to believe the lie he'd told her.

Which begged the question. How _did_ he know where she lived?

"What?" Elliot asked. He could see Olivia's mind working. When she didn't look up at him, he repeated himself. "What?" Then it dawned on him. "You didn't tell him where you lived."

Olivia looked up at Elliot. "I don't know how he knew. Maybe I told him…" She was wracking her brain for an answer.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that he might just have raped that woman?"

Olivia shook her head, but she didn't have an answer. She broke eye contact with Elliot and paced over towards the window. She looked out at the street down below. Dusk had settled; streetlights and headlights were the only thing that broke the long shadows in the street. She braced her arms against the window frame. "I couldn't…I just can't believe that."

"You don't _know_ this man Olivia." Elliot said tersely. "You have no idea who he is." He waited to see if Olivia was going to comment, but she didn't even turn to look at him. "I'm telling you…I couldn't get a read on this guy and that sets off alarm bells for me. It should have for you too, but obviously your judgement is clouded on this one."

Olivia whirled around to look at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that maybe you shouldn't go home with strangers after a night of drinking and twenty minutes of conversation!" It had taken all his patience to get to this point, but now he couldn't hold his anger back any longer. This entire situation was absolutely ridiculous, and her continued defense of Josh Graham had worn thin.

Olivia was shocked that he'd voiced the thoughts that had obviously been going through his head. "How dare you judge me." She said, walking towards him. "My personal life is _my_ business." She stabbed a finger at him. "I do not answer to _you_."

"It's dangerous and you know better!" Elliot yelled. "What if he _had_ raped you? Beaten you? _Killed_ you?"

Olivia wanted to scream. They had already had this argument. "Christ Elliot. I'm not some fucking civilian."

"You're not invincible either."

Olivia didn't have an answer to that, but she knew she could shut him up. "I'm so glad you've got your own life all figured out, so you have time to worry about mine."

Elliot heard the bite in her tone, but he didn't take the bait. "Don't try to change the conversation." He took a step closer. "This is about you and Josh Graham…"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't understand why you're so goddamned certain he's the one."

"And I don't understand why you won't even consider that he could be!" Elliot wanted to shake her and tell her to open her goddamned eyes. A montage of images ran repeatedly through his head. Olivia in Graham's bed. Olivia in Graham's arms as he had walked into Graham's apartment. Graham kissing Olivia just a few minutes earlier. "What? He kisses you and all rational thought goes out of your head?" He didn't believe that for a minute, but he had to try to shock her…to get through to her.

Olivia's anger spiked. "Is this really about Graham? Or is this about _you_?" She couldn't forget her earlier accusation and his denial.

"About _me_? How is this about me?" Elliot asked, exasperation in his voice.

"Because ever since you found me in bed with Graham, you've been on a mission to prove this rape was on him, even though there isn't any evidence."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Elliot said. "There _is_ evidence."

"If there was enough evidence, you would have held him." Olivia challenged. She put her hands on her hips. "You want to know what I really think?"

"What?" Elliot huffed out. "What do you _really_ think?"

"I think you hate the fact that I'm not with you 24/7 like we used to be. I think you're upset that I left you behind this morning and went with Josh. I think that it kills you to see me moving on with my life when yours is on hold. You're jealous…"

"Stop it!" Elliot yelled, taking another step towards her, causing her to drop her arms and take a step back. "Just stop!" He turned around and paced a few steps away from her, clenching his jaw. He stood there for a moment before he pivoted to face her again, taking a deep breath to calm down. "So…what if I am?"

Olivia was struck speechless. "W…what?"

"What if I am? Jealous?"

Olivia's mind was reeling…unable to make sense of what he was saying. "I don't…" She shook her head.

Elliot could see he had shocked her and if she asked, he wouldn't be able to tell her why he had chosen this moment to start this conversation. Maybe it was exactly as she'd said…he could feel her slipping away. It might not be with this man, but it could be the next one. He couldn't let that happen. "I don't want to watch some other man kissing you." He took another step towards her. "In fact, I hate it."

"Elliot." Olivia stretched out her arm with the palm facing him. "Don't." She took a few steps backwards as she tried to put some space between them.

"Don't what?" Elliot asked, somehow emboldened by her attempt at stopping him. "Tell you the truth?"

Olivia dropped her hand. "I can't…we can't…we're not going to talk about this."

"Why not?" Elliot asked. "I would argue that we should have had this conversation a long time ago."

"There's so many reasons we haven't." Olivia said in a rush. She regretted pushing him. If she hadn't, there was no way Elliot would have said a word. A part of her still couldn't believe he had.

Elliot took another step towards her, softening his voice. "Olivia."

"I think you need to go." Her voice was a throaty whisper. She was panicking on the inside and she needed him to leave right now.

"But…" Elliot said. He could see the fear on her face. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it hadn't been that.

"You need to leave." Olivia said more insistently. She looked towards the door and then back at Elliot.

"But I'm trying to tell you…"

"No." Olivia shook her head. "No."

Elliott stopped talking, feeling defeated. She clearly wasn't going to talk to him now, and he wasn't going to force her. Maybe it had been crazy to think he could ever tell her how he felt. Maybe it _was_ too late for them.

Olivia could see the earnestness on his face had been replaced with disappointment. His shoulders slumped slightly. He didn't argue with her anymore, and she watched as he gave her one last look and then headed towards the door. When he got there, he opened it, and gave her one last look. Then he shook his head, and left, slamming the door behind him.

Olivia slumped down in the oversized chair next to her, wondering what she'd just done. She had waited so long for one of them to make the first step towards the truth, but now, faced with the reality of it, it just been too much. She'd been right when she said there were so many reasons that they hadn't made any confessions before. There was too much at risk. Surely, Elliot hadn't though that through.

She had saved them.

She lay her head back on the chair and closed her eyes, wondering why, if she had saved them, she felt like crying.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: A week since I updated! That's horrible! I'm so sorry. Thanks for all the birthday wishes though! I appreciate all the readers and all the reviews!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot tossed and turned, replaying the entire scene in Olivia's apartment. He had paced back and forth in the lobby of her apartment, disappointed in her and the way she had pushed him away with her refusal to let him speak. But he was also disappointed in himself for letting her…for not making her listen.

In the end, he had left.

And now he couldn't sleep, thinking about his decision. He couldn't turn his mind off…couldn't distract himself no matter how hard he tried. It led him down a rabbit hole…memories from the last nine years assaulting him in a constant stream until he let out a groan in frustration and sat up on the edge of the bed. He hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees as he ground his fists into his eyes.

He couldn't spend any more time dwelling on things left unsaid…the opportunities missed. It would drive him insane, and it wouldn't change anything between them.

Maybe Olivia was right.

Maybe it was too late for them.

Elliot pushed himself up off the bed and strode down the hallway and into the kitchen. He glanced at the clock and saw it was a little after 2AM. He was exhausted, since he'd only had that short nap late in the afternoon, but he knew sleep wasn't going to come easily.

He opened the cupboard and reached for a glass, so he could get some water, but he hesitated. He opened the cupboard next to it and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. It was unopened. He didn't even remember where he'd gotten it, but it sounded really good right about now.

The first shot went down roughly, and he coughed. But the second shot went much more smoothly. He had a hand on the bottle and was considering a third, when a flash of light caught his eye. He turned and saw his cell phone on the counter, showing he had a new text message.

Elliot left the bottle and grabbed the phone, seeing he had a text message from Olivia. He held the phone with his thumb poised over the notification, surprised that she had reached out first. He let out a heavy sigh and started walking out of the kitchen, leaving the message unopened. He paused, and then turned back, grabbing the bottle and the glass, before he headed back into the living room. He set them down on the coffee table and then sat down hard on the couch.

He looked at the unopened message, and a part of him took a strange satisfaction in knowing that Olivia was awake too. He wondered if she was thinking about what he'd said… or had tried to say.

His mind went back to the memories he'd tried so hard to squash just a few minutes earlier. There had been so many times when things between them were so incredibly intense that he still couldn't believe that neither one of them had broken. He knew that ultimately, it was really Olivia that had kept them in line. He'd been married…separated. He had no business falling in love with someone else, and she made sure they didn't cross the line, despite how she felt.

He knew he would never really understand how much it cost her.

The image of Josh Graham kissing Olivia popped into his head. He had seen the embarrassment on Olivia's cheeks and the smug look on Graham's face. The nature of their arrangement had been shocking to him, and he wondered about the other men Olivia had dated over the years. If she had actually let anyone in…had anyone that really cared about her. He wondered if she'd had a chance at love…a family…and if she had thrown it all away because of him. Or if all her interactions with men had been shallow and without deep emotion. A way of passing the time and going through the motions…of fulfilling a physical need.

He hated to think that he had that much impact on her life and the decisions she'd made. But she had been a force in his own life, in ways he couldn't even begin to understand or unravel.

Their denial was a powerful thing…responsible for the ache in his chest that never seemed to go away completely.

He didn't know what the right thing was anymore. If they were too far gone…if their time had passed. Or if there would be some point where they both able to overcome their fears and be honest with each other.

He didn't know if that could even happen.

Elliot poured himself another shot and downed it. He opened up the message from Olivia.

 _Are we alright?_

The message sat there, telling him that it had been ten minutes since he'd received it. He imagined how long it had taken Olivia to send it. He could imagine her typing and deleting it a dozen times over, and then rueing the moment she'd sent it. She was most likely sitting with her phone in her hand, anxiously waiting for an answer.

Elliot hit REPLY, but hesitated, unsure of how to answer her.

 _Were_ they alright?

What did that even _mean_?

He thought about if for a few seconds more, but he didn't have an answer for her. So, he went for honesty.

 _I don't know_. Elliot typed his reply. He read the words again, wishing he could give her more, but right now, he couldn't. He hit SEND and then tossed his phone down on the coffee table. He was pretty sure he wouldn't hear from her any more tonight.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia poured herself a cup of coffee, leaning heavily on the counter as she lifted it to her lips and took the first sip. She was absolutely exhausted. She had lain awake for hours until she had finally had the courage to send a text to Elliot…and had felt nauseous as she'd waited for an answer. In the wake of his reply, she had lain awake, trying to figure out their next steps.

A dozen scenarios played out in her mind, but with every decision, there were positives and negatives. And many unanswered questions.

That's what scared the hell out of her.

She had to talk to Elliot today. She was desperate to, unsure of what his answer to her meant. But she wasn't sure how to approach him. It was awkward when they weren't working, because she had no reason to run into him. If she called him or texted him, she wasn't sure he would answer.

Showing up at his apartment seemed like her best option, but even that was fraught with potential land mines. She had to think about how to approach him…and what she wanted to say. Olivia hung her head down between her shoulders, feeling overwhelmed. She could handle any perp and any victim…deal with the most horrific circumstances on a daily basis…but it was Elliot that pushed her emotional well-being to the edge.

She knew she was in no position to deal with him…deal with this…without some sleep. She stood up and walked over to the sink, pouring her coffee down the drain. Now that she had decided to confront him again, she felt a little better. They would resolve things, as they had with their fights and disagreements in the past.

Elliot wouldn't leave her side. She had to believe that.

Olivia sank back into bed, hoping she could turn her mind of long enough to fall asleep. She turned the ringer up on her phone…just in case…and pulled the blankets up and closed her eyes.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot heard his buzzer going off from where he was in the bathroom. He splashed water on his face, wiping off the excess shaving cream as he straightened up. He wasn't expecting anyone, especially in the middle of the afternoon. He tossed his towel on the bathroom counter as he let out a sigh. He snagged a pair of sweats off the end of bed as he walked out into the living room and pushed the button on the intercom.

"Yeah?"

"El. It's me."

Elliot took his finger off the button and straightened up, surprised to hear Olivia's voice. He knew he shouldn't be. Despite their penchant for fighting, neither one of them liked to be at odds for long. But he had felt like the ball was in his court. With the answer he'd given her in the early hours of this morning, he would have bet money that she would have waited him out.

He heard the buzzer again, and he could feel her impatience as it buzzed a second time. He knew he had to let her in before she lost it completely. One thing he knew about Olivia is that when back into a corner, she would come out fighting. And he didn't want to fight. He hit the buzzer, knowing he only had a minute or so before she reached his second-floor apartment.

Sure enough, she was knocking on the door before he'd even had a chance to pull his sweatpants on completely. He settled them on his hips as he pulled the door open.

Olivia had her hand raised to knock again, and she took a step back as the door swung open, surprised he had actually answered. "Hey."

Elliot responded in kind, keeping his expression neutral as he stepped back, turned and headed into the living room. Olivia didn't know if that qualified as an invitation to enter, but she would take it as such. Once she had closed the door behind her, she hesitated, wondering what to say. She cursed herself for not having thought this out a little more. She took in a deep breath and walked over to where he was standing. He was standing behind a chair, with his arms braced against the back, as if creating a barrier between the two of them.

Olivia couldn't help but let her eyes gaze over his bare torso, and they followed the line of his torso to the back of the chair, where she could only see the barest glimpse of the waistband of his sweats. The man was ridiculously fit…

She lifted her eyes to his quickly, seeing his steely gaze. "I need to know that we're OK." She said firmly, locking her eyes with his.

"What does that mean?" Elliot asked, flexing his grip on the back of the chair.

Olivia set her jaw to keep herself from responding. She should have known he would make this difficult. He was clearly upset that she'd shut him down the night before, but he was going to have to get over it. "It means that we can forget about what happened in my apartment last night…"

"You mean when that asshat decided he needed to mark his territory right in front of me? Yeah, I'd like to forget about that."

Olivia let out a pained sigh. "He wasn't…"

Elliot interrupted her. "I don't understand why you keep defending him."

"I'm not defending him." Olivia said.

Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face. "Christ."

Olivia understood the level of his frustration then, because he didn't usually use that word as an expletive. "I didn't come over here to talk about him. I came over here to talk about us."

Elliot shook his head in disbelief. "Didn't you hear? There is no _us_."

"Elliot." Olivia said, a slight warning tone in her voice. She didn't know what to do with that comment; but she thought maybe it was meant to make her mad in hopes that she'd leave. "Did you want to talk or not?" Olivia asked.

"No. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to talk." Elliot said, coming around the chair. " _You're_ the one that showed up here."

"If you didn't want to talk, you wouldn't have let me in." Olivia said, hoping that was the case and that he didn't mean what he said.

Elliot lowered himself into the chair, biting on his lower lip as he looked down at the floor. "I tried talking to you last night, and you didn't want to hear it." He said, his voice low and pained. "So, don't tell me you want to talk because you don't." He looked up at her pointedly. "You just want me to tell you that everything is going to go on like it did before. Like I never said a thing last night. Like I didn't try to tell you…"

"Don't." Olivia put up her hands as if she could ward off his words.

Elliot stopped talking and just stared at her. They stood like that for what seemed like a long time, but he knew it probably wasn't more than a minute or so. "I can't take it back Liv. I don't want to take it back."

Olivia was cursing under her breath. "Take what back?"

Elliot shook his head. He may not have made a huge declaration of love last night, but he had been pretty clear about what he was going to say. "If you want to stand there and pretend like you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then I _am_ done talking to you." He stood up and took a step towards her, raising his hands as if to usher her out.

Olivia looked at him incredulously. "I'm trying to save us…save what we have." Her voice was a brusque whisper as she looked at him imploringly.

"What do we have?" Elliot took another step closer. "Huh? What do we have?" He was fired up now. For once in his life, he was single. He was in a position where he could finally go after the one thing he'd wanted for longer than he cared to admit. And she was clinging on to the past.

It wasn't that it was something he had consciously intended. It had been a something niggling in his brain, but he hadn't known how to even start to change things between them, knowing he'd have to go slow. But when he had been faced with the reality of Olivia's relationships and then with what had happened last night, he had been compelled to say something. To start the conversation. And it had backfired on him.

"Our partnership." Olivia said pleadingly. "Our friendship." It bothered her to have Elliot throw that away so casually, as if they were nothing.

"Haven't you ever wanted more?" Elliot challenged. He wasn't more than two feet away from her now, and he stared into her eyes, almost daring her to lie to him.

Olivia swallowed hard, seeing the intensity in his eyes. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. There was so much to be afraid of, and she didn't know how she could make him understand.

"Go ahead. Lie to me." Elliot said, a cold, hard edge to his voice.

"I never wanted more." Olivia said, her voice barely more than a whisper. She broke eye contact, and turned away from him, unable to say the words that were on her lips. How could she make him understand that the fear of losing him…of not being he woman he needed her to be…was worse than taking a chance at love? It wasn't that she didn't have faith in him. It was that she had none in herself. She turned back towards him briefly, seeing the defeat in his eyes. "I can't…" She said, her voice small. "I'm sorry…" She shook her head. "This is for the best."

Olivia didn't wait for a response from him as she turned back towards the door. She would let this blow over and hope that he would see that she was right. This case would be over, and they'd go back to work, and everything would go back to normal.

It had to.

Olivia reached the door and turned the knob, opening the door. But before she could escape, she heard Elliot's voice. Calm and quiet. "When you're done lying to yourself, I'll be here waiting."


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia didn't know what to do with herself once she left Elliot's apartment. His words hung in the air, haunting her. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with that. He clearly wasn't on the same page and she cursed his name as she pushed her way out of his building and on to the sidewalk.

There had been so many times over the years when their emotions threatened to boil over, and they had reined it in. The past few years, things had mellowed between them, and she thought they had reached some kind of unspoken agreement. Things were good. She had accepted it. She had moved on.

 _Goddamnit._ He couldn't do this now.

Someone jostled her on the sidewalk and she turned and gave him an angry look. "Watch where you're going!" She yelled, but the man never turned around. He just gave her the finger and kept walking.

Some days she really hated this fucking city.

She started off in the direction of the man that had just flipped her off but had no idea where she was going. She needed to do something to take her mind off this entire situation with Elliot because it was driving her to the edge. She was either going to take somebody's head off, or she was going to burst into tears in the middle of the street. Neither one of those things was something she wanted to happen.

Olivia spotted a Dunkin Donuts on the corner. She went inside, ordered a chocolate covered donut and an iced coffee, and slid into a small table near the window, facing the sidewalk. She took an angry bite out of the donut and washed it down with some coffee. But it sat like a lump in her stomach, making her nauseous and she tossed it on the table.

Olivia pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked to see if she had any messages.

She didn't.

She set the phone down on the table in front of her, and played a game with herself, where she pretended to be looking at the people walking by and not at her phone.

But the stubborn screen didn't light up.

Goddamn Elliot.

When a few minutes had passed, Olivia snatched the phone off the table and opened up her messaging app, trying to decide exactly what she was going to do next.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot watched Olivia walk out the door, and he stood in place, almost wondering what happened. His first thought is that he should go after her and make her listen to him. He had an image of himself grabbing her and kissing the denial off her lying face.

 _I never wanted more._

Bullshit.

He marched over to the door and jerked it open, but the hallway was empty. She had left.

A part of him couldn't believe it.

 _I'm saving us._

It pissed him off that she was holding on so steadfastly to the past and refused to see what the future could look like. He knew she didn't like change…or the unknown…but to deny it so vehemently when she knew how he felt…

It made no sense.

And yet, he knew he was partially to blame. He'd been single for a while now and hadn't exactly shown any inclination to change things between them. He had only reacted when faced with a challenge to his rightful place beside her. He knew better than to move too quickly…to pressure her into any kind of decision.

Still…

He wasn't going to take all the blame here. She had to meet him halfway.

 _I'm saving us._

He didn't think they'd be able to be the same again. He tried to imagine it…tried to imagine what would happen if she didn't come around, and if she stubbornly categorized him as a friend and partner only. Would he be able to live with that?

He didn't like to think that he would, but if it came down to losing her or keeping her at his side, he knew he would. She had all the control.

It pissed him off.

He stood there indecisively, wondering about his next move. He couldn't bear to sit in his apartment, but he wasn't going to try to track her down. It would only result in another argument…one he didn't think he could win. He was going to have to leave their fate in her hands…or at the very least, give her some time to think about what he'd said.

He looked at his watch, and saw it was almost 5. He wondered if Cragen was still at the precinct. "Fuck it." He said to himself. If he couldn't talk to Olivia, then he would get an updated on the case against Graham. He wanted resolution on that situation…his gut still roiling with an uneasy feeling about him. He slammed the door behind him and headed out of the building.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia's phone rang as she headed out of Dunkin' Donuts. She looked at the caller ID and debated answering, but after the fourth ring, she accepted the call. "Hey."

"Hey. I got your text."

Olivia almost regretted sending it now. It was the reason she almost hadn't answered the call. "Yeah…" She didn't really know what to say.

"I'm not going to be home for about an hour, but I'd love it if you came over."

Olivia heard a certain amount of cockiness in his voice, and a part of her wished she hadn't texted him at all. "Josh…" She thought about the kiss at her apartment and the nights they'd spent together…she thought about Elliot and what he'd said…she thought about their partnership and the years together…

She stepped back towards the building as people streamed past her on the busy street until she felt the solid brick behind her. She closed her eyes as thoughts and images bombarded her and she tried to sort them out.

"Olivia? Are you still there?"

"Huh?" Olivia's eyes flew open. "Oh…yeah." She straightened up, losing contact with the wall. "Sorry."

"Your text. You said you wanted to come over." Josh said.

Olivia could hear some confusion in his voice, and she knew her hesitancy was the cause of it. "Yeah. An hour." She repeated the information he'd given her. "I'll be there." She hung up the phone, closing her eyes once again as she let her head fall back against the brick wall.

She'd made the right decision.

In time, Elliot would realize it too. Anything romantic between them…it just wouldn't work. They had too much history…there were too many hurdles to overcome.

Olivia pushed herself off the wall, and walked to the street, hailing a taxi so she could go home and get changed before she headed over to Josh's apartment.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot kept an eye out for Cragen as he walked into the squad room, but the lights weren't on in his office. He took that as a good sign. He saw that Fin and Munch's desks were empty, but it was evident that they were still there. He headed over to the interrogation rooms, but they were empty. As he walked back towards his desk, he saw the two partners walking back into the room.

"Elliot." Munch said. "I was just going to call you." He looked around. "Is Liv with you?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, she's not." He tried to keep his tone neutral, but he knew John and Fin had undoubtedly caught the frustration in his tone.

John and Fin walked past him, and Elliot turned to face them as they sat down at their desks. John looked up at him as he picked up a sheet of paper from the top of his desk. "We did some digging into Graham's past and we haven't found any other complaints, but we know that doesn't always mean anything. So, we tracked down some of the other women in Josh Graham's past. Just to see if we could establish any kind of pattern of violence." John glanced up at Elliot. "This guy…he gets around." He went off on a tangent about being young again and having money, and he started to get on Elliot's nerves.

"Do you have anything on him or not?" Elliot asked, interrupting him. There was a large part of him that didn't want Graham to be their perp because the thought of Olivia having spent any time with him was almost unbearable.

"There were only two women that we spoke to that were willing to talk to us." John squinted his eyes as he tried to read the print on the sheet of paper in his hand. "Jana Wright and…" John squinted again and pulled the paper close to his face. "Samantha Barker."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "And they're going to say what?"

John shrugged his shoulders. "We asked if they had dated Josh Graham. They said yes, and we told them we wanted to ask them some questions about their relationship. I have no idea what they're going to say, but they should be here soon."

"I want to sit in." Elliot said, glancing over at Cragen's office. He knew his Captain wasn't there, but it was just a habit born of years of bending the rules.

"That's not a good idea." John said. "But…"

He stopped talking and Elliot turned when to see a woman walking into the room. John was up and out of his chair, and he heard the woman say her name was Samantha Barker. Elliot really wanted to talk to her, but he knew he was going to settle for listening in on the conversation. He watched as Fin and Munch led her into the conference room, and once the door was closed, he moved in that direction.

"What are you doing here?"

Elliot froze when he heard Cragen's voice.

So much for listening in.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia watched people on the sidewalk as her taxi crept along the city streets. Most people were rushing around, probably on their way to meet friends or to get home, but her eyes were drawn to the couples that had their arms wound around each other, or their hands clasped tightly. Young and old, it was clear they were lovers, and she felt a pang of jealousy as she saw the smiles on their faces. She imagined the kind of lives they had…the kind of comfort and security that came from loving and being loved. As the cab lurched forward, she looked away. That life wasn't meant for her.

The cab pulled up in front of Josh's apartment building, and she paid the cabdriver and got out. She took in a deep breath, adjust her shirt, and ran a hand through her hair. Her mind flitted to Elliot briefly, but she willed it away.

"Hey!"

Olivia turned and saw Josh exiting another cab, and she gave him a broad smile. "Sorry, I thought you'd be home already." She had gone back to her apartment to shower and change, trying to give him plenty of time to get home and get settled.

Josh leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, sliding his hand on to her lower back. "I'm glad to see you." He said. "Come on up."

Olivia noted how he placed his hand on her lower back as they walked into the building, and she thought about the shift in their relationship to each other. He had wanted to date…but had been willing to put up with the late-night trysts, and she realized that maybe he had been hoping it would lead to something more. It made her hesitate slightly, but Josh looped his arm into hers, seemingly reading her mind.

"It's OK Olivia."

She wasn't sure what he meant by that comment, but she went along with it. They would get upstairs, have a drink, and she would explain to him that she wasn't looking to change the nature of things between them. Just because he wasn't getting her call hadn't come at 2AM didn't mean she wanted anything other than what they had.

When they reached his apartment, Josh poured each of them a glass of wine.

"I have to say, I was surprised when I got your message." Josh said. "Pleasantly surprised."

Olivia gave him a strained smile. "It's been a rough couple of days and I just needed…" She shrugged slightly, assuming he would fill in the blanks.

"Yeah, I've had a rough couple of days myself." Josh said.

Olivia felt like an ass. She had been so wrapped up in her own life, she hadn't thought about the toll everything was taking on him. "I'm so sorry." She said. "I…of course…I'm so sorry this is happening." She stood up. "Maybe I'm the last person you want to see right now."

"Does it seem like you're the last person I want to see?" he asked. He moved over to where she was standing and slid the palm of his hand down her arm. "I'm happy you're here." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "I told you before…I want more than just sex Olivia…"

Olivia placed the palm of her hand on his chest and pushed back slightly. "Josh…"

He took a step backwards and she saw the disappointment on his face. "It's that partner of yours, isn't it?" He asked. "What, exactly, is going on with the two of you?" he asked.

Olivia noted a tinge of annoyance. "Elliot is my partner." She said firmly. "And he has nothing to do with this." The lie burned on her lips. "This…" She motioned between them. "I never lied to you about what this was." She looked back and forth between his eyes and she could see he was thinking about what she said. "If you can't…"

Josh closed the gap between them and slipped his hand behind her head, kissing her hard. When he released her lips, he gave her a smile. "I'm not going to push you Olivia."

Olivia relaxed in his grip, unsure of how she felt about his acquiescence. She assumed he was still hoping that he could change her mind at some point in the future. She would accept it because she needed this escape…even though she knew it could never be anything other than what it was. She liked Josh, but she didn't think it would ever be more than that.

Josh dropped his hands from her body. "I'm going to get out of this suit and take a shower." He said with a smile. "You're not going to disappear on me, are you?" He joked.

Olivia gave him a small smile, knowing it wasn't really a joke. "I'll be here." She said as she sat down in the chair.

Olivia watched as Josh disappeared into his bedroom, and she pulled her phone out of her pocket. She checked for new text messages or missed calls and felt a surge of disappointment that she had neither. She cursed herself for wishing Elliot had reached out to her. She knew he wouldn't…and she hated that she desperately wanted him to.

She was a mess. She held her phone in her hand and stared at the screen for a moment longer before she tossed it on to the table. A few seconds later, she picked it up and hit the power button, turning the stupid thing off. She had to get over it and reestablish the boundaries between them.

Olivia pushed herself out of her chair and wandered around Josh's apartment, looking at the photos in frames and the titles of the books in his bookshelf, and she realized how little she really knew about Josh. To most people, that would seem strange, but she found a comfort in it. He didn't know her, and she didn't know him and that way, she could keep everything in perspective.

Unlike Elliot. She knew what was on his mind practically every moment, even when he didn't want her too. And it was the same with her. He knew her…all of her…and he still stood by her side.

Olivia let out a sound of frustration and ran her hand through her hair.

"Everything OK?"

Olivia turned and saw Josh standing in the doorway to his bedroom. He had one arm braced against the doorframe, and he was naked with the exception of a towel wrapped around him and tucked in at his waist. His skin and hair were still damp from his shower, and he gave her a mischievous smile.

Olivia gave him a small smile. "Everything's fine."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thanks for all the great support and great reviews for this story. I appreciate all the readers and I hope you're ready for the end of this story!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot sat in the cribs in the hope that he could hide out here long enough to find out what John and Fin learned in their interviews. He held his phone in his hand in the vain hope that Olivia would reach out to him. They both hated to fight…but that didn't seem to keep it from happening. They didn't need a psychologist to tell them why.

He wondered how long she would let it go without talking to him.

Hopefully they would wrap up this Josh Graham thing and he and Olivia would be back on the job. She'd have to talk to him then. And even though that wasn't what he really wanted, he had already come to peace with the fact that it might be all he could hope for.

Or…maybe she would come to him on her own terms.

He almost laughed out loud. That wasn't going to happen.

He was losing his patience, and he wondered if the interviews were done. He walked around the beds and opened the door, looking into the hallway. He didn't see anyone and walked his way cautiously down the hallway. As he poked his head into the squad room, he saw Fin talking to another woman he didn't recognize. He assumed that was the other woman that had agreed to come in. John walked out with Samantha Barker, and she looked upset. The four of them spoke in a huddle for a few minutes, and then he saw John escort both women towards the elevators.

Once the doors had closed, Elliot crept up quietly behind him. "John." He whispered loudly.

Munch jumped and clutched as his heart. "Jeez." He said as he turned towards him. "I thought you'd left."

Elliot shook his head. "I wanted to know what you found out."

Munch looked to his left towards the squad room and took a step closer to Elliot. "I shouldn't be telling you this but…"

"John!"

They both looked down the hallway and saw Cragen standing in at the end of the hall. He jerked his head towards the squad room, motioning for John to join him. "Cabot's in my office and we need to talk."

John looked at Elliot and then walked towards the Captain, giving Elliot a look that said 'sorry'. Elliot held his ground, staring at Cragen, until he saw his shoulders slump. He adopted an expression of resignation and waved Elliot over, and it didn't take more than a few seconds for Elliot to follow Munch towards the squad room.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia made her way over to where Josh was standing, and he didn't waste any time in pressing her against the door and grasping her lips with his. His hands were already shrugging her jeans and panties from her body as he kissed her hard, and he wasn't being gentle about letting her know exactly what he wanted. It has been this way with them since the first night…a little rough and animalistic…but it's what she wanted from him. No words of love or emotional outpouring…just words of lust and heat. They made their way over to the bed, and Josh shed the rest of her clothing before he dropped his towel and crawled up the length of her body. He teased her with his hands and his mouth before he finally took her, and neither one of them were quiet in their release.

Josh crashed down on the bed beside her, and Olivia looked up at the ceiling. She lay an arm across her forehead as her breathing slowed, and she tried not to think about how hollow she felt. The sensation wasn't new to her…but what was new was her inability to compartmentalize…to tuck those kinds of feelings away. She felt raw and exposed, and as she felt Josh reach for her, she rolled over on her side so her back was to him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against his body, burying his face in her hair.

"I'm so glad you called." He whispered into her hair. She felt him settle behind her and she knew he would fall asleep shortly. Of course, normally that was after midnight, so all bets were off. But he was quiet, and she could feel his breathing even out as she struggled to shut out her thoughts.

 _Elliot._

His name came into her head like a whisper.

He was the last thing she wanted to think about. The reason she was here right now, with a man who was almost a stranger snuggled up behind her, was to rid herself of thoughts of him. To prove to herself that she had made the right decision when it came to any kind of future for them.

She squeezed her eyes closed and she saw him standing there…she saw the look on his face when she told him she had never wanted more. It was like a knife in her own heart when she had seen the look of pain and disbelief on his face, and she wondered about her choice.

 _No!_

She silently screamed the word in her head. She couldn't go down this path again. She had thought this through. If there was ever going to be something between she and Elliot, it would have happened before now. Elliot had been single for a long time without a word to her and she had learned to accept it. They were in a good place…and now…now…

 _No._

Her heart couldn't bear it if she lost him…if he wasn't a part of her life anymore. He was the closest thing she had to family…to any kind of continuity in her life.

This was how it had to be.

She felt Josh shift behind her and he ground his lower half against her. She felt a shiver run through her body, and she felt a sudden need to get the hell out of there. Regardless of her decision about Elliot, this wasn't what she wanted. Olivia ran her hand down Josh's arm and then grasped his hand, trying to loosen his grip on her. "Josh." She said quietly with her hand wrapped around his.

"Hmmm." He snuggled into her more, tightening his arm around her midriff.

"I need to go." Olivia whispered, trying to wake him gently. She arched her back slightly, trying to push him off of her a little so she could maneuver, but he didn't budge.

"Where you goin'?" He mumbled against her neck.

"I need to leave." She knew this wasn't her normal mode of operation when she came over. He was expecting a repeat performance, but she was getting annoyed now at his refusal to wake up or listen to what she was saying. "Josh." She said his name a little more loudly and pushed back harder.

"What?" Josh asked, clearly awake now. He loosened his grip on her and propped himself up on his other arm. "Where are you going?"

Olivia shifted slightly and ended up on her back, looking up at Josh. She could see the puzzled expression on his face and she felt a twinge of guilt because he was in the middle of this mess that was her life. "I'm sorry, but I need to leave. I just…I can't do this…with you." She shook her head. "Thanks for putting up with the late-night calls…"

Josh cut her off. "What?" He screwed up his brows. "What are you saying?"

Olivia down on her lower lip before continuing. "I've just got a lot going on right now. My life is a mess and this…" She let out a small groan because she didn't know how to explain it without making him feel badly. He'd been nothing but nice and gracious to her, and she wasn't giving him any good reasons for her abrupt departure from their arrangement.

"I'm here for you." Jason said. "I told you that."

"And I told you before that this was never going to become more than it is." Olivia tried to explain. They didn't have a relationship. They had sex…with sometimes months between. She knew he wanted more, which is why she felt he owed him an explanation, but she had warned him. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she saw the hurt in his features. "I'm just going to go." She made a move to slide off the bed, when she saw the expression on Josh's face change.

"I'm afraid that I can't accept that."

EOEOEOEO

It was a tight fit in Cragen's office with Alex, Elliot, Fin and Munch crowded in the small room with the Captain. Fin was starting to relate the young woman's stories to the team, and it painted a picture of a man with two sides. Josh Graham was smart, handsome, funny, successful and romantic. He swept women off their feet, showered them with love and affection, and made them the center of his life. Their witnesses painted a fairy-tale picture…until Josh started to take over every aspect of their life. His need to control them and control their behavior…their friendships…every detail of their life…would become overbearing. It only got worse from there, as they told their stories of intimidation and violent assault when they tried to break things off with them. When asked why they didn't press charges, fear of what he would do in retaliation was their rationale. Neither had any faith in the legal system to put him behind bars…it was their word against his…and fear won out.

Elliot felt nauseous to think of Olivia being involved with a man like that. Their relationship seemed to be casual…and least to hear her tell it…but he remembered the way Josh had kissed her in front of him. An act of pure dominance…meant to show Elliot exactly where he stood.

He hated that he was right about Josh, but at least it meant he didn't have to imagine her in his bed.

"Arrest him."

Elliot heard Cabot issue the order, and it brought him back to the conversation.

"I was a little worried about the case, but even though I was going to take it to trial, I feel better about our chances of winning with a couple of collaborating witnesses." Alex stood up. "Go get him." She left the room, and Cragen turned to face Fin and Munch.

"You heard her."

Cragen turned to Elliot. "Can you give Olivia a heads-up. I want her to know that we're picking him up. I don't think Cabot will be able to have her testify to anything, but she should know."

Elliot shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Well…"

"Is there a problem?" Cragen asked.

Munch sighed and pulled out his phone. He had been around the two of them long enough to read the signs of trouble. He dialed Olivia's number but then hung up. "It went right to voicemail." He said. He redialed and got her voicemail again. "Olivia. John. Give me a call back as soon as you get this message."

Elliot pulled his phone out of his pocket and held his finger over his _favorites_ , but he knew Olivia didn't want to hear from him, but it didn't make any sense that her phone went right to voicemail. Olivia lived with that thing permanently attached, and there was no way she would turn it off or let it run out of battery. Maybe she was on another call…

He looked up at Fin.

"I got you." He pulled his phone from his pocket, but as he did, Cragen's phone rang. The Captain picked it up on the second ring, making a motion for all of them to move out of his office. As they started to move around the chairs towards the door, they heard Cragen tell them to hold up. They all turned back towards him in time to see him drop the receiver back into its cradle.

"We got a call of an incident at Josh Graham's." He said. "Ambulance is on it's way to Mercy. Doorman said a woman ran into the lobby…yelling for him to call the police…she'd been attacked."

Elliot felt his blood run cold at the look on Cragen's face. He knew in an instant what Cragen wasn't saying…knew it was Olivia…and before Cragen could say anything else, he was heading towards the door. He should have known when she wasn't answering her phone. He should have known that he'd pushed her into Graham's arms the minute she stormed out of his apartment.

"Elliot!"

He heard Cragen calling out after him, but then it was Fin that was on his heels, telling him that he would drive. He barely heard a word as he flew down the stairs, taking two at a time. His mind went to a lot of horrible places and he cursed the fact that they hadn't arrested the son-of-a-bitch earlier…that he hadn't done more to keep her away from him…that he hadn't been there for her when she needed him most.

He barely remembered the ride to the hospital, alternating between prayers and curses to God, not knowing what he was going to find when he got there.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat on the end of the exam table, shivering as the adrenaline that had been coursing through her slowly drained from her body. The torn sheet she managed to grab off the end of the bed was still tucked messily around her, and the nurse was checking the IV that the EMT had insisted on inserting in her hand.

"I'll get you a warm blanket." The nurse told her when she saw her visibly shivering and Olivia gave her a weak smile as another nurse came in the room with a medical cart full of needles and vials. Olivia wanted to scream and tell them that she was fine…that she just wanted some clothes and to get out of this room, but she knew she wouldn't be able to leave for a while. There were police stationed outside the room and detectives were undoubtedly on the way. There would be questions to answer…timelines to detail…and she didn't want any of it.

She tried to purge the events of the last hour from her mind, but she knew she'd have to relive it. The way Josh had changed as she had told him things were over…how he'd gotten violent as she tried to leave. She'd have to tell them how he had pushed her back on the bed, tried to cuff her to the post as he'd forced her legs apart. They'd take samples of his skin and blood beneath her fingernails as she had clawed at his eyes…pull fragments of glass from her skull from where he'd hit her with a lamp after she had kicked and fought her way loose, doing an equal amount of damage. She hadn't turned back to even see if he was breathing after delivering one final kick to his ribs. She had grabbed the sheet and fled the apartment, falling into the lobby from the elevator and yelling for the doorman to call 9-1-1.

Everything else was a blur until she'd woken in the ambulance.

And now she was here, and she was angry at herself for not seeing who he really was and for not listening to anyone that tried to tell her anything other than what she thought she knew to be true.

Olivia heard a ruckus outside the room, and she heard Elliot's voice, telling the officers that he was her partner. She could tell he wasn't taking no for an answer, and she felt a moment of panic at having him see her like this…but also immense relief. Moments later, he burst through the door and then froze, taking her in before he walked slowly towards her.

Elliot couldn't believe what he saw before him. Olivia was sitting at the end of an exam table, looking incredibly small with her feet dangling off the end and a ripped and bloody sheet wrapped around her. His eyes took in her body, and he noted a split lip and her swollen left check…the discoloration already starting to set in. There was blood on her hairline and a smudge across her forehead, as if someone had tried to clean up a wound. There was a makeshift bandage and he wondered briefly the extend of her injury there. When she looked up at him, his heart broke in a million pieces at the pain he saw in her eyes.

"Liv." He said, his voice choked with emotion, and he was at her side in a moment.

"I'm fine." She said quickly. "It's just a few cuts and bruises."

Elliot looked back and forth between her eyes, asking the question he didn't want to voice.

Olivia swallowed hard. "He didn't…" She didn't finish her sentence, but she knew he understood what he was saying, and she saw him let out a deep breath.

"God Liv…I'm so sorry." He reached out towards her, being careful not to touch her, as he catalogued her injuries. He saw bruises forming on her left arm and looked again at the bloody lip and her cheek. It looked like her nose had been bleeding at one point as well. The nurse asked him to step aside and pulled the bandage off her hair line.

"Looks like you're going to need a couple of stitches."

Elliot watched as another nurse came in and wrapped a warm blanket around her, and in that moment, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and pull her onto his lap and hold her. But he knew he only had moments before either the nurses kicked him out or the police kicked him out. No doubt Tucker would show up and then it would really be a shitstorm.

He seized the moment as the nurses told her they were going to get the materials they needed for her stitches and left them alone momentarily.

"I should have known that guy was trouble. I should have told you to stay away from that guy." Elliot said, kicking himself that he hadn't done more.

Olivia could see the pity on his face and heard the way he was assuming all the blame and it made her angry. "You didn't do this Elliot. Any of it. I made my own choices." She was on emotional overload now as the weight of everything that had happened crashed in on her.

"I should have kicked that guys ass when I had the chance. I told him to stay away from you…"

"I called _him_ …I went to _his_ place. Despite what everyone was saying about him, I thought I knew better." She shook her head. "I have no one to blame but myself."

"I'm supposed to have your back…"

"Christ Elliot!" Olivia yelled. "This isn't about you!"

Elliot didn't want to push her because he could tell she was at her breaking point, and with everything she'd been through tonight…it wasn't the time. But he couldn't seem to help himself. "Isn't it?"

Olivia couldn't believe he was challenging her like this. "How is this about you?"

"It isn't about me. It's about us." He tried to keep himself from yelling. "You've convinced yourself that you don't need anyone else…that you can't let yourself rely on anyone but yourself…"

"I didn't need you to run in and save me Elliot. I managed just fine all by myself. I have the same training as you, and when Josh attacked me, I kicked his ass. I got away and I'm fine."

"Yeah, you look fine." Elliot said sarcastically. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it. Here she was, sitting in front of him in a vulnerable state after a horrible night, and he was attacking her. "Listen." He said, holding out his hands. "Listen to me. I'm sorry." He saw tears on her lower lashes, and he felt like a shit. He had only meant that she had run to Josh because he had pushed her, but she wasn't hearing him. He looked back towards the door, knowing he probably only had moments before the nurses came back into the room. He placed the palm of his had lightly on the right side of her jaw, careful not to jar her in any way. "I'm not questioning your capability to take care of yourself, but God Liv…isn't it exhausting to keep pushing everyone away? Aren't you tried of keeping everyone at arm's length? Don't you ever get tired of being alone?"

Olivia reached up and pulled his hand from her face, letting it drop between them. "This is who I am."

"You don't think I know you?" Elliot asked. He leaned over, bracing his hands on the table on either side of her legs. "I know everything about you." He said. "And you know what? I still love you. I love you like crazy." He saw her eyes widen. "And if you want to keep pushing me away, that's fine. I'm not going anywhere. I may have been too much of a coward before to say anything, but I'm not anymore. Because I know you were lying before. You can keep denying it…"

Elliot heard the nurse come back into the room, and he heard voices in the hallway. He straightened up and took a step backwards, his eyes still trained on hers. "I'm not going anywhere."

Moments later, Cragen entered the room, and Elliot knew their moment was over. He stood by and watched as protocol took over, but he saw Olivia stealing surreptitious glances in his direction. He made sure that despite what was happening, stitches…blood draws…questions from Cragen…and even a quick visit from Alex…she could see that he was there. He didn't say another word…he just maintained his presence and made sure she was being well taken care of.

Ultimately, exhaustion took over, and she fell asleep right before they wheeled her to a room for overnight observation. She had fought it of course, but Cragen had insisted, and she hadn't had the energy to fight him. He watched as they wheeled her down the hall, and Cragen put a hand on his shoulder.

"She's going to be okay." He said.

"I know." Elliot said.

"You going to stay here with her?" Cragen asked.

"It's where I belong."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up and was momentarily confused about where she was. The room was dimly lit, but she moved her head slightly to get herself grounded and felt the pain in her face and body and it all came rushing back to her.

Josh…the attack…the hospital… _Elliot._

Her eyes searched the room, and landed on him, sound asleep in the chair next to her bed. A part of her had known he would be there. She closed her eyes, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes.

 _I love you like crazy._

The words resounded in her head, and her tears threatened to spill over. She had hoped to hear those words for longer than she cared to admit, but right now, she didn't know what to do with them. Letting herself go…letting herself be in love…she didn't know if she could really do it. She had been on her own for so long. She had convinced herself she didn't need him…that she was happy with the way things are.

"Hey."

Olivia hadn't realized he had woken up, but he sat up and pushed himself out of the chair. She could see he was still half asleep as he neared her bed, and he scrubbed a hand over his eyes as he reached her.

"How're you feelin'?" He whispered, his voice still hoarse.

"Like I've gone ten rounds with a professional boxer." She tried an attempt at humor, but it fell short.

"You want me to call the nurse?" Elliot asked.

Olivia put her hand out and placed it over his where it rested on the bed rail. "I'm fine." She knew he wouldn't buy it, but she didn't want him to call the nurse.

Elliot nodded. He didn't know what to say, but he was happy that she didn't seem surprised that he was there, and she didn't ask him to leave. "Graham…he's in Rikers."

"Good." Olivia said. She didn't want to think about him right now.

Silence settled between them, but it was Elliot that broke it. "You should go back to sleep."

"Yeah." Olivia said. "You know, you don't have to stay. You should go home and get some sleep."

"Are you going to be upset if I stay?"

Olivia pressed her lips together, giving him a small smile. "I don't imagine you'd leave even if I asked you to."

"Probably not." He said. "It's all part of the service." As soon as he'd said it, he wanted to kick himself. It made it sound like an obligation, and he didn't feel that way at all. "I mean…I just feel better knowing you're OK."

"I just have a headache and a few cuts and bruises, but it's nothing serious." She took in a breath. "I'd…I'd like it if you stayed." She realized then that her hand was still on his, and she pulled it back quickly.

Elliot was surprised by her admission…it was so unlike her. But he was taking it. "Then I'll stay." He watched as she lay her head back and closed her eyes, thankful that she didn't fight him. He knew she was going to be hurting tomorrow, and that she should sleep while she could. He moved back to the chair in the dark and settled himself, pulling up the blanket the nurse had provided. The room was quiet, and he was almost asleep when he heard her voice.

"El." Olivia whispered.

"Yeah?"

"You were right." She hesitated a moment. "Everything you said…about being lonely…about wanting more."

Elliot could hear the sleepiness in her voice, and he wondered if she even knew what she was saying.

"It's not the drugs talking." Olivia said, and she heard a small chuckle from him. She had known that was what he was thinking.

Elliot didn't know what to say, and she wasn't talking, so he let it lay there. The silence stretched out, and Elliot was thankful that Olivia had finally fallen asleep. He lay his own head back, letting out a sigh. He wondered if she would remember what she said in the morning, but for now, he was going to believe that she would. "I love you Olivia Benson."

He was almost asleep when he heard a whisper across the dark room. "I love you too."

 _The End._


	13. Epilogue

AN: OK. OK. For all those that were unhappy with the ending, I've written a brief epilogue. I don't typically do this, as my stories end where they end, but there seemed to be so much discontent that I felt compelled to write this. So here you go…

EOEOEOEO

Two weeks later…

Olivia stood looking in the mirror as she applied a nude color lipstick, waiting for a knock at the door and feeling nerves slip up her spine. She had told herself a million times that it was just going to be Elliot on the other side of the door, but she knew tonight was the beginning of something new. Some might think it silly, but they had talked a lot over the past two weeks as her mind and body healed from the trauma, and they had decided to move ahead cautiously. Even though they knew each other extremely well, they both felt like they needed to start things slowly. They had a lot of history…some good and some bad…and even though it seemed like it might be easy to simply fall into a relationship, the both recognized the potential quagmires. So, they had landed on tonight for their first date.

Olivia was excited to see Elliot. It had been a couple of days, as work had been really busy for him. Oliva had taken a leave from work while she decided if she wanted to go back to SVU. Her faith in herself was shaken, but mostly, she was just tired, and she thought there may be another way to help victims. Besides, if things worked out the way they both hoped they would, they couldn't work together anyway. It was a good opportunity to re-evaluate all aspects of her life, and even though Elliot had offered to be the one to leave, she had grasped at the idea of doing something else.

She heard the buzzer, and she took one last look in the mirror. She had changed outfits about ten times, which was just crazy when she thought about the fact that Elliot had seen her in every kind of attire and in all different states. But she wanted tonight to be perfect, and she had landed on a simple black dress. It wasn't too revealing but showed just enough leg and cleavage…and she felt her cheeks coloring at the thought that she wanted him to notice.

Elliot hadn't even kissed her yet, and now that it was a potential reality, the thought of sex with the man made her feel like a schoolgirl. It was funny how she'd had so many raunchy dreams, sleeping and awake, about the man over the years, but the thought of it now made her knees weak with anticipation. She wondered if it was the same for him.

Olivia heard the buzzer again, and she rushed to the front door to let him in. The man had used his keys to get into her lobby for years…so this was new. But she was happy that he was respecting new boundaries and that they weren't sliding into the familiar. It gave the experience a particular thrill, and she told herself to calm down before the millions of butterflies in her stomach took flight. Moments later, she heard a knock at the door, and she bit back a smile. He must have practically run up the stairs.

Elliot saw the door swing open and the sight of Olivia took his breath away. Of course, she'd always been beautiful…stunning really…but knowing that she'd picked that dress and done her hair and makeup just for him gave him a special thrill and he swallowed hard at what this all meant. "You look…" He couldn't come up with a word that could possibly convey what he meant in that moment, but he saw the blush in her cheeks, and he knew he didn't need to. He handed her the bouquet of red roses he held in his hand and she took them and brought them to her nose as she backed away to let him in the apartment.

"They're beautiful." She said as she closed the door behind him.

Elliot turned towards her and smiled. "And you…you take my breath away."

Olivia didn't know what to do with the sentiment and she ducked her head and smelled the flowers again. Elliot looked so damned sexy, and it was like she was seeing him for the first time. In some ways, she was. He wasn't her partner or best friend anymore. He wasn't someone's husband or father. He wasn't a cop or protector. He was just a man…a man she loved very much and suddenly, the possibilities seemed endless.

He followed her as she walked into the kitchen, looking for a vase for the flowers. When she had situated them on the counter, she turned and saw Elliot leaning against the counter opposite her…just watching.

"I've missed you." He said.

"I just talked to you a couple of hours ago." Olivia said with a small laugh as she leaned against the counter herself and looked back at him.

"I'm just so used to having you by my side all the time. It's just taking some time to adjust."

"Are you saying John isn't as much fun?" Olivia asked, teasing him.

Elliot shrugged. "It's just different. You know what I was going to say before I said it. I knew what you were thinking. It's just…" He sighed. "Different."

They both knew it would be a difficult adjustment but had made the mutual decision that their future together was well worth it. Olivia felt a momentary pang of worry that he was changing his mind, but she shoved it aside. It was one of the things she had been working on, and it was hard, but she had to learn to conquer her fears. "Different can be good." She said.

Elliot smile, recognizing exactly what she was doing. "You're right." He said. "Change is good. Different is good." He pushed himself off the counter. "If we were afraid of change, then I wouldn't be standing here with the most gorgeous woman I've even laid eyes on and thinking about kissing her."

Olivia's eyes widened, surprised by his comment. "You're thinking about kissing me right now?" A small smile played across her lips. "Well, I don't typically kiss a man before I even go out on the first date." They both knew her history, and that her comment was a little bit of a white lie, but Elliot appreciated her flirtatiousness.

"That's too bad for me." Elliot said. He had only been teasing (kind of), but now that he'd said it, he couldn't get it out of his mind.

Olivia looked up at him through her lashes. "Well…I might be willing to make an exception…for the right guy." She ran her tongue across her lower lip, and she saw Elliot's eyes drop to her mouth. She wanted to laugh because she felt so giddy right now…so goddamned happy and light. She took a few steps forward and placed the palm of her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beating beneath the fabric of his shirt, and she knew it matched her own. She lifted her chin slightly and looked up into Elliot's eyes.

"Am I the right guy?" He asked, his voice deep and husky. He brought his hands up and framed her face lightly, running the fingers of his right hand down her jaw lightly. He felt her shiver slightly, and he felt a flush of heat run through his body. He couldn't believe he was standing here with Olivia…that he was touching her, and she was flirting with him…he felt heady from her perfume and the feel of her skin beneath his fingers.

"I think you're more than the right guy." Olivia whispered softly as she moved her mouth closer to his. "You're the man I've been waiting for my whole life."

Elliot leaned in and grasped her lips lightly between his, exhaling slowly as he closed his eyes, committing this exact moment to memory. He grasped her lips more firmly, reveling in the feel of her mouth against his. The kiss was soft and slow, and he felt her slide her hands around to his back. He sucked her upper lip between his, and then her lower lip and his right hand slid into her brown locks.

Olivia tilted her head and opened her mouth to him, and he deepened the kiss immediately. She knew now what it meant to be kissed senseless…be weak in the knees…because she felt that and more. Now, in this moment, she hated the thought of taking things slowly, and she wondered if Elliot was having the same thoughts as she was.

It was at that moment that Elliot pulled his mouth from hers and rested his forehead against hers. He still had his hands on her jaw, and neither one of them said a word as they tried to slow their breathing.

"Sweet Jesus." Elliot whispered against her skin as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He straightened up and let his hands slide down to her shoulders and then down her arms, pulling her hands from his back until they were clasped in his. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a small smile; she knew exactly how he was feeling in that moment. "I think I do." She said softly. She felt shaky, and she just wanted him to kiss her again and again. She lifted their joined hands and tugged him a little closer to her, holding them against her breasts. "Maybe we could skip dinner."

Elliot heard the breathlessness in her tone and felt the softness of her breasts against his arms and he was flush with desire. "Liv…" He said, his voice husky and deep. "Don't tempt me like that." He leaned in, nuzzling her neck. "I'm only human." He pulled away then, removing his hands from her completely. He saw the mischievous smile on her face and he shook his head. She wasn't going to make this easy. "We said we were going to take this slowly." He wanted to do the right thing…he didn't want to rush this between them…they had agreed…

"I know." She said, nodding in agreement. "I'm sorry. I just…" She reached for him again, placing the palm of her hand on his chest again and sliding it down to his waist. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't so afraid anymore…that maybe they didn't need to be cautious…but something still held her back.

 _Falling into bed would be the easy part._

It was one of the first things he had said to her when they first started talking and she knew it was true. "You're right." She nodded again. "You're absolutely right." She pushed herself up on her toes and gave him a quick kiss. "Let's go to dinner."

She pulled away from him then and turned to head out of the kitchen.

Elliot grabbed her arm, and Olivia turned around to face him with a question on her face. "Maybe at dinner…" He paused a moment, wondering if he should say what was on his mind. But they had agreed on total honesty, and he forged ahead.

"Yes?" Olivia asked, furrowing her brow.

"Maybe at dinner we could discuss the definition of the word slow." He gave her a cheeky grin and Olivia broke into a smile.

Olivia raised her eyebrows again as a small smile played against her lips. "I think that's an excellent suggestion." She said, trailing her finger down the seam of her dress and across the swell of her breasts. She caught Elliot watching her and the nerves she'd been feeling earlier in the night were gone. As much as she had questioned this throughout this entire fiasco, she felt confident now. Elliot had made it abundantly clear that they he wasn't going to push her, and that the ball was in her court, and she knew that she could trust him implicitly.

For the first time in a long time, she was looking forward…she was excited about her future. _Their_ future. She reached out her hand, and Elliot walked over and clasped her hand in his.

She was going on a date with Elliot Stabler. It was the first step…and as the walked out of the apartment, hand in hand, stride for stride…she knew she was exactly where she was supposed to be.


End file.
